Moth to the Flame
by Lady Ravenshadow
Summary: VHD:B prequel. Meier and Charlotte, from Meier's POV. How did a vampire ever fall in love with a human? *COMPLETED*
1. Chapter One: Loneliness and Despair

**_Disclaimer:_**_  I do not own Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust or its related characters.  I do however, claim the rights to any original characters appearing in this work of fiction. This work is solely for entertainment purposes only._

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**_Moth to the Flame_**

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_Who could call out my name without regretting?_

_Who could see beyond this, my darkness?_

_And for once save their own prayers_

_Who could mirror down just a little of their sun?_

_from "Tonight's Music" by Katatonia_

_Lyrics by Jonas Renkse & Anders Nystrom_

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_Chapter One_

_Loneliness and Despair_

The darkness -- it embraces like a lover and comforts like a mother; neither of which have I had for quite some time.  Sometimes I dream of the time before -- before the darkness became my world.  I dream of the warm glowing sun, only to awaken to the cold silvery moon.  Yet with each passing year, each passing decade, the memory dims a little more.  I fear the day that it is gone completely and only the true night remains; then -- then will I know that there is no hope, no escape from this cold loneliness that haunts me.  But such is the fate of my kind:  to forever dwell in darkness; never to feel a true loving embrace; and to find warmth only in the pulsing veins of another. Such is the fate of a vampire.

_Vampire . . . a word that grips the hearts of mortals with fear . . . a word that conjures up visions of bloodlust and death . . . a word synonymous with evil.  But if following your nature is evil, then we should all be condemned as such; for just as mortals prey on animals for their nourishment, so we vampires must nourish ourselves on the blood of mortals.  Do you feel remorse for the beast that you just had for dinner?  Probably not; although I have heard of mortals that forgo the flesh of animals, thinking it cruel.  Perhaps they are wiser than the rest of us; but who really knows?_

I won't deny that I have taken the lives of countless humans in order to survive; but I will confess that I felt a small measure of remorse for each one -- for I was once a mere mortal myself.  But to see me now, you would never guess it; for my appearance has changed much since I last walked under the sun.  I have also gained incredible strength and speed, the power to control other beings with my mind and will, and many other talents that have set me so far apart from the lesser mortal that I once was. But have I been cursed or blessed?  I have never been able to answer that question honestly.  At times I feel blessed:  when I am traveling through the rushing night on dark wings or during the almost erotic intoxication of feeding.  Yet at other times, I feel cursed beyond all measure:  when I am confined to my dark casket during the day; when I am being hunted; but mostly, when I am alone.  It is the loneliness that claws at my immortal soul and makes me wish that I was not what I am.  For what creature could bear the burden of being so utterly alone for centuries on end?

We vampires are usually solitary creatures -- we like to live apart from one another; but that is not to say that we are each other's enemies -- far from it.  With our numbers dwindling, we cannot afford to war amongst ourselves.  But we do not usually seek comfort in one another -- at least not the kind of comfort that a man would seek in a woman, the kind of comfort that eases the pain of a lonely heart.   Ah, so now you see what it is that I miss about my mortal life.  You may laugh, but even immortals long for the sweet rapture of the most intimate of embraces. 

  


Yes, I will admit to being a so-called romantic; for I am still young enough by the standards of my kind to be allowed such foolishness, and that is what it is -- foolishness.  For what woman would willing take one such as me?  What woman would risk falling victim to my baser instincts?  Even I don't truly believe that such a thing could happen, but sometimes it is nice to dream.  But the loneliness . . . sometimes I feel it so deeply that I fear I might weep from it.

There are times when I brood over the empty thing that is my heart and I wonder what my life would have been like had I not been changed.  Would I have found a woman to love me?  Would I have been happy?  Would I have had a family?   But I try not to dwell too long on such things, for I know they would truly drive me mad.  I am what I am; and I cannot change that anymore than the proverbial leopard can change its spots.  I can only try to carry on and survive as best I can.  But what I wouldn't give for just a small piece of that dream . . . just a small piece.

Do not mistake my words, for I have had my share of mortal women – for it is one of the pleasures of the hunt.  It is the one gift that I have to offer my victims while I hold them in my thrall and drain away their life's blood.  I can give them one last memory of an erotic pleasure beyond anything they have ever imagined -- dying while in the throes of ecstasy.  But for all that I feed off of their emotions, as well as their blood, there is still a hollow place inside of me that cries out to be filled.  Yet as pleasant as the physical joining can be, I still find myself longing for something more, something deeper, something . . . real.

Sometimes it is almost as if I can hear my cold, dead heart as it cries out into the darkness -- as it cries out for the warm, loving caress of another.  But its call goes unanswered, and I feel the emptiness like a long, slow ache in my chest -- but of course it is nothing but nonsense.  For it is only my imagination and desire that make it seem so real -- but it hurts nonetheless.

I'm sure you know by now what it is that I am speaking of, even though I have managed to steer clear of the word thus far – love.   L-o-v-e . . . such a small, simple looking word.  But as is usually the case with most things, looks can be deceiving and simple never is.  Love.  Is that what I truly long for?  Is that what haunts me while I rest during the daylight hours?  Love.  Such emotions are an anathema to my kind – for we exist only to hunt and feed the hunger.  We have no need -- indeed, no use -- for such emotions; and yet, I find myself longing for it just the same.  Perhaps I have gone mad -- I'm sure that there are many among my brothers and sisters of the night who would think so.  But if that is case, then I want nothing more than to sink into that madness and let it carry me away.

Why?  Why do I torment myself with these thoughts?  Damn it all -- I am immortal!  I am Vampire -- the most powerful of all beings on the earth.  I am so far beyond humans, and yet I long for and covet something as useless as love.  Useless . . . do I really believe that?  But what could love offer one such me?  Already it has caused me pain and distress, and that is just in the wanting of it.  I cannot even begin to imagine the horror of actually finding and experiencing it.  No, I want nothing to do with love -- nothing at all.

But . . . but what if I found love without looking for it?  What if I found it by accident?  I suppose that such a thing could happen – for who knows what fate has in store for each of us.  But once found, would I push it away and run from it?  Would I embrace it and let it sweep me away?  Or would I let it overwhelm and smother me?  If only I knew . . . if only I could read the future.  But even then, would I really want to know?

Oh, by the darkness -- I must stop this!  I must not let this become an obsession.  Love is something for mortals -- a sweet dream to give comfort in their short, tormented lives.  But what about the long lonely life of a vampire; do we not deserve to know such comfort too?  Do we not need it just as much?  If only I could know for sure, if only if I could touch it -- just once.  Would I know true happiness then?

Love!  Ha!  I hate it!  I hate it . . . and yet, I long for it; like the sweet taste of blood, I long for it with everything that I am.  But like the touch of the sun, will it torment and burn me?  Or will it caress and hold me like the cool, soothing darkness?  There are so many questions that I cannot answer, so many thoughts swirling around in my head.  If only I knew for sure – if only I were brave enough to find out.  If only . . . if only I truly believed that such a thing could ever be possible.


	2. Chapter Two: Beauty and Hope

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_Who could call out my name with regretting?_

_Who would promise to never destroy me?_

_Tonight my head is full of wishes_

_And everything I drink is full of her_

_ From "Tonight's Music" by Katatonia_

_Lyrics by Jonas Renkse & Anders Nystrom_

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_Chapter Two_

_Beauty and Hope_

In the darkness of the night, I have seen the sun -- its golden beauty has burned itself upon my heart; and even in my rest, I cannot escape it.  I did not think it possible, but I believe that I have finally found that which has eluded me for so long.   I have found her -- the woman that could set my immortal soul on fire and make my desire rage; the woman who could warm my long cold heart.

How did such a thing happen?  Only by purest chance, I can assure you.   I had long since resigned myself to my fate, and grudgingly accepted the cold loneliness that my existence had become.  All thoughts of warmth and love had long been locked away in the icy recesses of my heart, never to escape again.  But last night . . . last night I beheld such beauty and gentleness that my very chest ached with the desire for it.  

Even now, I can vividly see her -- as if her image has been burned into my eyes for all time.  Her soft curling hair, her wide amber eyes, her graceful body . . .  it was like looking at a dream come to life -- my dream . . . a dream named Charlotte Elbourne.

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I came into the town out of boredom.   Laugh if you must, but if you had hunted the same lands for over a century; you would no doubt grow weary of it too.  We vampires are territorial creatures -- we have our hunting grounds and we do not usually stray from them.  We enter the lands of others of our kind only with their permission.  As I have said before, we do not normally war amongst ourselves; but there have been feuds over disputed lands in the past.  It is not something that happens very often, for the world is a large place and we are few.   But when it does occur, it is one of the duties of the king of our kind to solve such disputes.  But such things are usually solved quickly and if not, then painfully -- for the laws of vampires are not all that different than those of the human world.  However, it is the punishment that makes ours much harsher – with true and final death being the sentence for almost all offenses.   It is for that reason that we try not to draw the king's attention to such trivial matters; for no vampire wishes to risk incurring his wrath.  His is the final word; and more often than not, it is a fatal word.

But I digress from my tale of this past evening . . .

The hunger had been building in me; I could feel it coiling in the pit of my stomach, waiting to be released.  I had not hunted in town for quite a while and was looking forward to the challenge.  The foolish mortals believe that their puny crosses will stop my kind; and while they will impede us a little and can cause us pain, they cannot truly harm us.  Only the touch of the sun, beheading or being pierced through the heart will kill us.  We need not be pierced with wood either, a good sharp blade in the chest will do just a well.  But most humans still cling to the old superstitions and thus you will see crosses on every building and on almost all windows and doors; a slight inconvenience to us, but one that can be overcome -- especially when the bloodlust is on us.  Then -- then almost nothing will stop us. 

  


The night was still young and I was prowling the dark streets in search of prey.  I do not take just anyone, mind you; I prefer to mark out my victims, stalk them silently and wait for my opportunity to strike.  In my younger days, I would often take my chosen mortal out into the wilderness and have a true hunt.  There is nothing like stalking prey in the wilds but the light of the moon -- running them for hours, feeling their terror grow -- tracking them by scent and the pull of their fear.  The bloodlust grows into a frenzy that burns so hot in your veins, that when you finally do strike -- it is a release so primal and sweet that it has no rival.  It has been a long time since I had a true hunt . . . just the memory of it now inflames me in a most uncomfortable way.

As I glided through the shadows in my search, I noticed a set of windows open to the night air.  What a fool!  I thought.  Only a fool would leave their windows not only unlocked, but open to the night_.  As I inched forward towards the light spilling from the open glass, I sensed the life force of the two humans within:  an old man and a much younger woman.  I felt the hunger rise at the thought of the woman's soft, pale neck and warm blood.  Staying to the shadows, I then glimpsed the inside of the room.  The fireplace was ablaze with a golden light; there were pictures and paintings on the walls; and the furniture was old, but still quite fine.  The smell of roses lingered in the air and I saw vases of the dark red flowers scattered around the room.  Then finally, my gaze fell on the two within._

The man was indeed old and he was sitting in a large wooden chair equipped with wheels.  His eyes were closed, but I sensed that he was not sleeping; and sitting across from him with her back to me, was the woman.  I couldn't see her face, but I could hear her voice.  She was reading to the man from a small book that she held in her graceful hands.  Her voice was gentle, but not overly soft; and it held a small bit of melancholy.  As I watched them, I soon found myself caught up in the reading – for it was a story that I recognized from old.  But it was the sad, lilting quality of the woman's voice that had drawn me in.

I don't know how long I stayed there listening as the woman read -- it seemed like hours -- but it could not have been more than twenty or thirty minutes.  Then as the woman came to the end of the chapter, she marked her place and closed the book.  Reaching around, she then placed it down on the table next to her; and as she turned, I saw her face.

I felt as if someone had just plunged a knife into my chest and I almost gasped aloud at the sight of her – for she was perhaps one of the most beautiful women that I had ever seen.  Her hair was dark, but the fireplace and candlelight gave it a golden glow.  Her skin was fair and nearly flawless.  I gazed at the curve of her jaw, the line of her cheekbone, her rose-tinted lips, and her long beautiful neck.  But it was her eyes that drew my attention – for they were large and luminous, glittering in the light; and like her voice, there was a trace of sadness in their amber depths.  I felt the hunger growing once again; reaching out to be sated with the essence of the woman, and it took all my efforts to throttle it back down and regain control.  Afterwards, I was a bit shaken; for I had never before tried to quell the hunger and it was not a pleasant experience.

As I regained my composure and looked back into the room, the woman's eyes looked up at the window and I had the uncomfortable feeling that she knew somehow that I was there.  Her expression was puzzled; as if she could sense something, but was unsure what.  I knew that she could not have seen me – vampires have the ability to become almost invisible to the human eye.  I was far enough in the shadows that the light from the window did not reach me; and yet, somehow the woman had sensed my presence.  But how could that be?  Only another of my kind could have sensed me there.  So how did she know I was there -- or did she?  Perhaps it was all just a coincidence and she only wished to glance out the window.

I was preparing to flee, when the old man opened his eyes and spoke.  "Charlotte dear, is something wrong?  Why did you stop?"

"I'm sorry Father; I thought you had fallen asleep.  Do you want me to continue?"

The old man pushed a lever near his hand and the chair moved a little.  "No dear, that's alright.  It's getting late; I think I'll turn in."

Rising she moved towards the man.  "Do you want me to help you?"

The man reached out and took her hand, "No dear, I can manage."  He peered intently into her face, "Are you sure you're alright, Charlotte?"

The woman shook her head, "I'm fine Father, really.  I just -- I just had the strangest feeling a moment ago.  It -- it was almost as if I felt a chill . . . like someone was watching me."

  


"Hmmm . . . maybe you should get to bed yourself.  I don't want you coming down with something."

"Yes Father," The woman nodded.  "I'll just put out the candles and I'll go right to bed."

The man pushed another lever and the chair turned, he then moved forward until he was at the open door to the room.  "Make sure you close and lock the window, Charlotte.  How many times do I need to warn you about leaving windows open -- especially at night?  It's too dangerous, you know better than that."

The chastised woman dropped her head a bit, "Yes Father, I know.  It's just that it was so stuffy in here -- I just wanted to get some fresh air; it's such a pretty night."

The man looked at her, "It's alright dear, just don't forget to lock it up.  Sleep well."  The chair rolled from the room.

The woman turned and started putting out the candles.  Checking the screen in front of the fireplace, she then turned towards the window.  As she closed the window and bolted the lock, she looked out into the night and her gaze was sad as she looked up at the stars.  Then with a small sigh, she turned away.  Blowing out the rest of the candles, she left the darkened room.

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_Charlotte.  An old name, but it seemed to fit her.  Charlotte . . . Charlotte . . . Charlotte -- her name was like a charm.  Perhaps if I said it enough, the power of it would draw her back into the room -- back to me._

Staring into the darkened room, I imagined that I could still see her as she gazed out the window into the night.  Did she know that I was there?  Had she seen me?  No, she could not have . . . but still, she had sensed that I had been there -- she had said as much -- but how?

I had felt something pulling at me as I had looked at her.  Had she felt it too?  Of course she did -- it was the hunger – yes, that's what it was.  It had felt her -- felt her life force -- and had tried to draw her in.  Yes, the hunger.  But I didn't want to feed on her.  From the moment that I looked upon her face, I knew that I could never feed off her – I could never take that perfect, golden goddess.

Then what was it?  My emotions were all tangled together and I couldn't think straight.  Was this what I had been looking for all those years ago?  Is this what my heart had been crying out for?  I didn't know, and as I searched within myself, I could find no answers.  But the one thing I was sure of was that I had to see her again.  I had to hear her voice again -- I had to be near her.

Charlotte, the gentle dream of my daylight rest . . . Charlotte, the fire that burns in my veins . . . Charlotte, a bright glowing sun in the dark of the night.  _Charlotte__._


	3. Chapter Three: Need and Loss

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_I fear I will never find anyone_

_I know my greatest pain is yet to come_

_Will we find each other in the dark?_

_My long lost love_

_From "Beauty of the Beast" by Nightwish_

_Lyrics by Tuomas Holopainen_

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_Chapter Three_

_Need and Loss_

I am a monster!  A hideous, wretched beast!

In my long existence, I have been called that and worse.  But last night -- last night I truly lived up to such words.   Even now, I still burn with the shame of what I've done.   If only I could go back and undo the past!   Oh my beloved -- please forgive me.  For how can I look upon you again, knowing what I've done -- what I could have done?  I never should have sought you out.  I never should have opened up my heart.  Vampires cannot love -- we only take and destroy.  Oh my precious Charlotte . . . how could you ever love a monster?

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Once again, I was crouched outside the windows of the sitting room of the Elbourne home.  Like so many nights before, I had come for a glimpse of my beloved Charlotte -- a chance to hear her voice, to see the light in her eyes, and feel the pull of her heart to mine.  Yes, my beloved -- who knows nothing of me or the fire that burns within my soul.  It had been several weeks since I first saw her and I returned there every night since.

Stealing towards the lighted window, I saw that the room was empty.  Once that would have disappointed me, but over time I learned that Charlotte did not sit and read to her father every night.  Sometimes she would retire to the room alone and read quietly, or sit and write.  Some nights she did not come into the room at all.  As I looked in, my sensitive ears detected voices within the house; and closing my eyes, I focused on the sound.  Moving silently, I found myself on the small wrought iron balcony outside of the family dining room.  Carefully peering through the glass, I saw Charlotte, her father and a young man seated at the table.  

". . . and there was Jack, saddle and all, sitting on the ground while his horse was running down the street!"   The young man laughed as he finished.

Charlotte blushed and laughed behind the hand she had raised to her mouth, "Oh, how embarrassing!"  How sweetly did she blush and her laughter rang like a small, clear bell.

  


"I wish I could have been there to see the look on Jack's face -- I bet it was priceless!"  Mr. Elbourne laughed.  The young man nodded his head, "It was!  We never let him live it down the whole trip back!"

Charlotte shook her head.  "You're merciless Alan.  You're all very lucky he didn't shoot you."

"Jack?  Nah, he was a good sport about."

Mr. Elbourne agreed, "Yes, Jack Turner is a good man -- very easy going.  He probably laughed along with you."  The other man nodded his head in response.  Charlotte's father reached for a box on the table near him.  Lifting the lid, he reached in and brought out two cigars.

I watched as Charlotte put her hand on the young man's arm.  "I'm so glad you're home, Alan -- I missed you."  She smiled at him and I felt a spark of something cold flicker within.

The man, Alan, put his hand over Charlotte's.  "You don't know how good it is to be back, Char -- it turned out to be a much longer trip than I thought."  He patted her hand before releasing it and I clenched my jaw as the coldness grew.

Charlotte watched as her father handed Alan one of the cigars.  With a small grimace of distaste, she rose from her seat and moved towards the French doors that led to the balcony.  "If you two are going to smoke those foul things, then I must insist on having some fresh air in here."   She undid the lock and cracked the door open.  "I don't know how you can stand the smell."  

"Charlotte!  It's night -- you can't leave the door open."  Mr. Elbourne protested.

"Father, I can't sit in here with the two of you if you're going to smoke."  She replied, returning to her seat.

Alan lit his cigar, "It's alright.  I think we can leave it open just a little – what harm could it cause for a few minutes?"  Mr. Elbourne shrugged his shoulders and lit his own cigar. 

Narrowing my eyes, I then watched Alan as he reached under the table and brought up a small box and held it out to Charlotte.  "What's this?"  She took the box with a puzzled look in her eyes.  "You did tell me to bring you something back," the young man answered.

"I was only joking; I didn't think that you really would."  Charlotte undid the wrapping on the box and removed the lid -- something glittered in the light.  "Oh Alan -- they're beautiful!"  I watched as she lifted a pair of gold earrings from the box and held them up so that her father could see them.

"Look!  They almost match mother's ring."  Charlotte held the earrings next to her hand, comparing them with the ring on her finger.  Mr. Elbourne gave them a critical look, "Yes, very nice."

Putting the earrings back in the box, Charlotte turned and embraced the young man at her side.  "Thank you, Alan.  I love them – they're absolutely perfect."  Alan smiled and hugged her back.  "I thought you might like them."  Charlotte kissed his cheek before she pulled away and I heard my own breath as it hissed between my teeth.

  


_No!  Turning from the scene, I clenched my fists.  I felt the black coldness of jealousy as it crept into my heart.  I never even thought that my beautiful Charlotte could already have another suitor.  Suitor – me?  Hah!  What a joke.  What court had I paid to my lady love?  Spying on her at night?  Dreaming of her radiance as I rested during the day?  I should have known that this would never work. Charlotte was the bright warm sunlight and I, the cold lonely darkness.  Fate never meant for us to be together as one.  Crushed, I was about to leave when I heard the man, Alan, speaking again._

"So Father, what's been happening in town while I've been away?"

_Father -- did he just say Father?_

Spinning around, I looked back into the room.  My gaze fell on the young man and I looked at him more closely.  _Yes!  I could see the resemblance between him and Charlotte.  How could I have missed it before?  His hair was lighter in color, but his eyes and the shape of his face were the same.  Even some of his mannerisms were the same.  A brother!  Alan was Charlotte's brother!  I felt my heart getting lighter and the coldness began to leave me.  Oh my beautiful, precious one.  How could I have ever doubted for a second that you were not meant to be mine?_

With a sense of relief and hope, I continued my hidden surveillance of the Elbourne family.

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It was past midnight when Charlotte finally bid her father and brother goodnight.  I had followed the three from the dining room to the sitting room; once again taking up my post by the window.  Charlotte and her brother talked and laughed as they engaged in a game of chess; while Mr. Elbourne watched and commented on their play.

I felt a sadness grow within myself as I watched them together.  For some odd reason, I found myself missing my own family -- a family I had not seen, nor thought about for over five centuries.  I tried to recall the faces of my own parents and siblings, but found that I could not.  When I had changed and become a vampire, I had left all thoughts and cares about them behind – just as I had left the place of my birth behind and gone in search of my own lands.  Why, after all this time, should I think of them now?  I was a bit disconcerted and tried to push those thoughts from my mind by watching Charlotte as she played the game.

With a smile and a triumphant "Checkmate," my love quickly trounced her brother.   I smiled at her skillful play; noting her keen strategy.  Alan looked a little disappointed, but congratulated her on the win.  After putting away the chess pieces, the family said goodnight to one another and retired to their respective rooms.

I will confess that it had not taken me long to discover which bedroom was my dear Charlotte's.  For all that I am a fearsome creature of the night, I was once -- and do still consider myself to be -- a gentleman.  As such, I have allowed my love as much privacy as possible while she is within the walls of her bedroom.   Though my desire for her grows with each day, I would not reduce myself to wanton voyeurism.

Yes, I know -- I watch her through windows every night -- but I refuse to lower myself further by spying on her while she is in a less than presentable state of dress.  Even were I still a mere human, I would not take advantage of my position to gape like an inexperienced youth at Charlotte's perfect form.  No, when I behold the beauty that is my love for the first time, I want to treasure it like a gift beyond price and measure . . . I want her to know that I worship her like the goddess that she is . . . I want it to be perfect.  So, I will be patient and afford my love her modesty . . . there will be time enough for me to admire Charlotte's hidden charms once they are finally revealed.

  


I waited patiently until the light within Charlotte's room finally went out.  After perhaps fifteen or twenty minutes, I dared a glance through the sheer panels that covered her window.  As I have said before, becoming a vampire had given me sharper senses, increased strength, the ability to alter my form and the power to control humans with my will and mind.  Vampires also experience emotions, such as pain and pleasure, at a deeper level than most humans.  I have often wondered over the past few weeks, if perhaps that is what has caused me to become so enamored of Charlotte.

I know in my heart that I love her, but sometimes my feelings are so strong that they threaten to overwhelm me.  I want her to love me, but I will not force my will on her to make it so.  But I am so afraid that she will reject me . . . no, that she will fear and hate me.  But what choice do I have?  I am what I am.  I can only present myself to her and let her make her choice.  But will she see only Meier Link, the fearsome vampire; or will she be able -- and willing -- to look beyond that; to see Meier Link, a man who is in love with her?  I will have to put my trust in her and hope that she will not run screaming in terror at the sight of me.  I do not think that I could bear that . . .

Looking into Charlotte's room, I could see her snuggled under the covers of her bed.  Her hair was spread out across the pillow and I could discern her slow, steady breathing.  So beautiful she looked, like the sleeping beauty in that ancient tale; waiting for the kiss of her beloved prince to awaken her.  Oh my precious one, how I longed to be that prince -- gently brushing my lips across yours  -- watching your beautiful amber eyes as they fluttered open.  Closing my eyes, I bit back the desire that I felt rising. 

Opening my eyes, I looked back at Charlotte's sleeping form.  Reaching out my senses towards her, I detected the steady beat of her heart and the pulse of the blood in her veins.  At the thought of her sweet rich blood, I felt the slightest stirring of the hunger within me.  I had discovered in recent weeks, that it was easier for me to be around Charlotte when I had already fed.  Contrary to what most mortals believe, vampires do not have to feed every night.  I myself had been able to go for as long as a week before having to feed again.  It was not an easy thing to do, but it can be done.  However, I usually make sure that I feed every two or three days.  Too well do I remember the battle within myself that first night; and I have no desire to experience it again.  I made sure that the hunger was satisfied before making my nightly visits to the Elbourne house.

It had been two nights since my last feeding, and ordinarily that would have been sufficient.  But that night – that night, I felt the hunger as it once again tried to resist my will.  I sensed the cold tendrils of need as they snaked out towards Charlotte.  Gathering my strength, I tried to pull them back inside, but was unable to.  In horror, I felt the hunger as it wrapped itself around my love's sleeping body.  With clenched fists, I pooled my will and once again tried to rein the hunger in.  I felt the sweat on my brow as I waged war with the primal force that drove my very existence.  A small cry escaped my lips as the last vestiges of my strength fell away and the hunger roared in triumph as it coiled around Charlotte.

Panting, I watched as the hunger's power took over and my beloved opened her eyes and rose from her bed.  As she walked towards the window where I crouched, I saw the emptiness in Charlotte's eyes and knew that the hunger held and commanded her.  Reaching the window, she unbolted the lock with trembling hands.  As the panes opened, I felt the hunger as it pulled at me -- demanding to be satisfied.  No longer under my own control, I stepped into the room.

After weeks of waiting and hoping, I was finally near enough to touch the woman that had stolen my heart.  But it was not the tender touch of a lover that she was to receive, but the deadly burning kiss of my bloodlust.  How I wanted to scream out and break that unbearable spell.  But the hunger had me in its thrall just as tightly as it held Charlotte.  Unable to help myself, I reached up my hand and gently stroked Charlotte's cheek.  My fingers drifted down until their tips lightly rested on the throbbing pulse within her neck; and closing my eyes, I savored the almost erotic beat of her heart.  Bending my head down, I gently brushed my lips down the side of her neck, breathing in the scents of woman and blood.  _Just a small taste, the hunger urged.  __Yes, I agreed; __just a few mouthfuls.   My lips once again brushed against the pulsing vein in Charlotte's throat._

As my lips parted, I felt the hunger slip for just a second – and that second was all I needed.  Pushing myself away from Charlotte, I clamped my will down on the hunger one last time.  Shaking from the strain, I slid to my knees as I felt my strength give out.  I felt the hunger as it burned inside of me and with one last cry, I squeezed my will around it and closed off its power.   I gasped for breath and put my head down between my knees.  I was shaking and I found it very hard to stop.  I couldn't remember ever feeling so strained and weak; not since my earliest days as a vampire, surely.  Those first few months after the change were the hardest; and more than one newly changed vampire has walked out into the sun to escape the pain and madness.  The bloodlust is almost uncontrollable and those that can overcome it, and control it, never forget it.

  


As I knelt on the floor trying to recover my strength, I heard a small sound.  Looking up, I saw Charlotte's eyes flutter.  Cursing myself, I managed to catch her as she slid to floor, no longer held by the hunger's power.  As I clutched her to my chest, I silently cried out my shame.   I had almost destroyed her -- the woman that meant more to me than perhaps even my own life.

How could I ever hope that she could love me now?  I then knew that I could never trust myself not to take her -- no matter how many promises and vows I made.  How many more times could I fight against myself -- against the hunger that was my very nature -- before I lost?   No, it had to stop -- I would not condemn Charlotte to the same cold, dark existence that I lived.  She deserved better -- she deserved a chance to be happy and free.

_Oh my love -- my beautiful one -- I'm so sorry.  I never wanted to hurt you; I only wanted to love you.  But I can't ever love -- vampires aren't allowed to love.  Oh __Charlotte__ . . . I'm sorry, so sorry . . ._

            --------------------------------------------------------------------------

So I held Charlotte in my arms and cursed myself for the wretched animal that I knew myself to be.  When I finally found my strength again, I gathered her up in my arms and returned her to bed.  After pulling up the bed coverings, I let my fingers gently brush across her cheek one last time.  At my light touch, her eyes slowly opened.

"W-w-who are you?"  There was confusion in both her eyes and her voice.  I turned away from her eyes, not wanting her to see too much of my features.  "I'm just a dream Charlotte -- you're dreaming." 

"Dreaming? N-n-no . . . this is too real to be a dream."

"But it is a dream.  You'll wake up in the morning and realize it."  I let my eyes glance down at her.

"Will I remember you?"  Her voice sounded far away and I saw that she was falling back asleep.  "I-I-want to remember you."

Closing my eyes at her words, I bit my lip and was silent for a moment.  Turning towards her, I took her hand in mine.  "I'd like for you to remember me Charlotte, but it would be best if you didn't."  Letting go of her hand, I bent down and brushed my lips across her forehead, "But I'll always remember you Charlotte Elbourne . . . I'll hold you in my heart for eternity."

She was on the verge of sleep and her voice was a whisper, "Won't . . . forget . . . you."

I stayed and watched her for a few more moments.  I could feel the coldness creeping back into my heart and I welcomed it, for it numbed the pain.  With a weary sigh, I turned and went back out the window, shutting the panes behind me.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

I am a monster -- an uncontrollable beast, a thing to be despised and hated.  Cursed to loneliness and despair for all eternity -- it's only what I deserve, I know that now.  For the first time in nearly five centuries, I once again hated myself and what I had become.


	4. Chapter Four: Chance and Possibility

_------------------------------_

_Walk with me let me dream of one shining moment with you_

_Falling into your open arms and calling your name...   
  
No regrets, no turning back_

_Oh throw caution to the wind_

_My whole life pales beside the look in your eyes tonight   
  
_

_From "Tonight" by The Shroud_

_Lyrics by __Lydia__ Fortner_

_--------------------------_

_Chapter Four_

_Chance and Possibility_

I returned once more to the scene of my greatest shame.  It had been over two weeks since I looked upon my love's face for the last time.  My love?  No -- no longer that – for I had finally resigned myself to that fact.  I had awakened from my dream of love and come face to face with the hard reality of my dark, lonely existence.  It was a sweet dream while it lasted; but there comes a time when even an immortal vampire must awaken from the gentle caress of slumber and face the world as it truly is.  It is a cold, lifeless world; but it is the only world I know.

I returned to my hidden sanctuary that shameful night and locked myself in.  I did not venture out for almost a week -- until my need drove me out into the night.  I avoided the town and went out into the countryside.  Never had I felt as alone as I did that night.  As I looked down at the darkened landscape, it seemed as if all the color had gone from my sight and I saw only a world of gray shadows.  I no longer even felt the exhilaration of soaring through the sky.  There was no feeling, no emotion within me.  It was as if I had lost myself and that a stranger was looking out of my eyes.  After hurriedly feeding, I returned to my lair and once again locked myself away.  So I spent the next six nights -- until tonight.

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I don't know what drove me there.  If there was one place in the entire world that I wanted to avoid, that was it.  Why?  Why did I go there?  I could gain nothing by it -- it could only bring me more pain and humiliation.  Yet despite my best efforts, I found myself drawn there; almost as if under some kind of compulsion.  Tired of fighting within myself; I could only give in and soon found myself quietly standing in the small garden at the back of the Elbourne house.

The garden -- even at night it is beautiful; I can only imagine what it must be like in the daylight.   The heady scent from the many different blossoms is almost intoxicating and my heightened sense of smell was almost overwhelmed by it.  Reaching out my hand, I lightly brushed it across the dark petals of a rose, deeply drinking in its soft, alluring scent.  Roses -- I recalled that they were always scattered throughout the Elbourne house.  These were her roses -- this was her garden -- and for a short time, I found some peace as I wandered among the blooms of Charlotte's garden.

I was so lost within myself that I didn't sense the mortal presence until it was already in the garden with me.  With a growl in my throat, I spun around to face the human.  But as I beheld the face of my intruder, the sound in my throat died to a hoarse croak and my eyes widened in disbelief.  Standing across from me, no more than ten or fifteen feet away, was my heart's greatest desire – Charlotte Elbourne.  I was so startled that I could do nothing but stare at her.

  


"I knew that you were real . . . that you weren't a dream."  Her voice trembled slightly as she looked at me with wide eyes.  I felt myself growing uncomfortable under her amber gaze and I quickly turned my face away towards the shadows.  I could still see her as she moved towards me.

"I mean you no harm."  Charlotte's voice was soft and I could sense her nervous heartbeat.  "I've watched every night for you -- I knew that you would come back."  She stopped a few feet away from me and waited.

I knew that she expected me to answer her, but I couldn't move my mouth to form the words.  What would I say to her anyway?  Hello Miss Elbourne, my name is Meier Link and I'm the vampire that almost took your life two weeks ago?  Madness!

I sensed a slight change in Charlotte's heartbeat and breathing; she was becoming more nervous and scared by my silence.  The last thing I had wanted was to frighten her -- but I just couldn't bring myself to face her.   At that moment I wished that the sun would suddenly appear and burn me to ash.   I knew that I would never be able to live with myself after seeing the look on her face when she saw the truth of what I was.  Why did I ever come there?  Could the gods themselves have been anymore cruel to me?  As I struggled within myself, I could sense her eyes on me as they tried to see my features through the shadows.

I could smell Charlotte's fear as it started to grow and I saw that she was once again trembling.  She slowly started to back away from me, towards the black wrought iron gate that led to the door of her house.  As much as I was afraid to face her, I didn't want her to go.  I squeezed my eyes shut and gathered my strength; my voice was a hoarse whisper as I managed to croak out a single word.  "C-Charlotte."

She stopped, but did not speak.  Knowing that I couldn't put off the inevitable, I turned my face towards the moonlight so that my features were completely visible.  As she caught sight of my face, I heard her sharp intake of breath.  With a small cry, Charlotte stepped back several paces, while her right hand stole quickly to her throat; her fingers sliding over the smooth flesh as if seeking something.  I saw that she was trembling as she looked at me with wide frightened eyes.

I could feel the quickening of her heartbeat and I knew that her fear was beginning to take over.  "I will not harm you."  I tried to make my voice as soft and as non-threatening as possible. 

"Are you here to finish what you started the other night?"  She was very close to hysteria and I knew that she could bolt at any minute.  

"No," I felt a great sadness settle over me and I shook my head.  "I merely wished to enjoy the beauty of your garden one last time.  I did not expect to find you here.  You have nothing to fear from me."

"I'm supposed to believe you?"  Charlotte had dropped her hand and wrapped her arms around herself.

"I can swear on nothing that you would accept -- the only thing I have is my word.  But I will give that to you, Charlotte Elbourne.  You have my vow that I will never harm you."  The sadness leaked out into my voice and I turned away from her once again, unable to look at her frightened eyes.

The two of us stood quietly like that for several long minutes.  I could sense Charlotte's fear and confusion.  After what seemed like an eternity, her heartbeat slowed a bit and her breathing became more regular.  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her drop her arms until she was clutching her hands nervously.  My own eyes widened as she slowly walked towards me once again.  She was still several feet away when she stopped.  "I don't know why, but I feel . . . that you're telling me the truth.  I don't completely trust you . . . but I will take your word."

Amazed once again, I turned to face her.  Remembering the manners of the gentleman that I had once been, I gave Charlotte a small bow.  She looked slightly amused at the old-fashioned gesture and I noticed the barest hint of a smile on her lips.  Not wanting to lose the moment, I introduced myself.  "Although I know your name Charlotte Elbourne, we have not been properly introduced.  My name is Meier Link."

  


Charlotte's brows rose and her mouth opened slightly -- she had heard of me and I could feel the pounding of her heart once again.  Oh yes, my reputation was well known -- and feared.  Perhaps I had made an error in revealing my true name to her, but deep down I knew that I could never lie to her.  I knew that to gain her trust, I would have to be completely honest with her.

I watched as Charlotte tried to regain her composure.  Without trying to make her even more uncomfortable, I let my eyes drink in her radiant, moon-lit beauty.  She was dressed in a pale green gown and her hair was loose about her shoulders with small strands of beads wound through her dark curls.  I could smell the faintest trace of her perfume -- something that reminded me of lilies and green grass.   As she stood before me in the glowing moonlight, I wanted nothing more than to fall at her feet and profess my love and devotion to her – like a petitioner asking favors from a goddess.

As I gazed at her, I could see that she was shivering slightly in the night air.  Vampires do not feel cold or heat -- except for the heat of the sun, of course.  Although I was fully dressed, I could have been standing naked in the middle of a winter's night and not felt anything.  Charlotte hugged her arms to her chest and gently rubbed them with her hands.

Moving slowly so as not to startle her, I undid the clasp of my cloak and took it from my shoulders, "Here Charlotte, take my cloak.  I didn't realize it was so chilly out tonight."  I held the garment out to her.  Charlotte looked at the cloak and hesitated – I could see that she was afraid to take it from me.  "It's alright; it's only a piece of cloth -- it cannot harm you."

Charlotte looked at me and then reached out a trembling hand.  She hesitated once again; but after a few seconds she took the cloak from my hand, careful not to touch me.  I waited while she settled the garment about herself.  "Thank you."  Her voice was soft and I was rewarded with a small quick smile.  The cloak was far too large for her slight frame and its hem dragged on the ground.

Once again we stood silently, the sounds of the night loud around us.  "You have a very beautiful garden."  My voice seemed to boom out in the darkness and Charlotte jumped a little at the sound of it.

            "T-T-Thank you."  I saw  the blush on her cheeks and felt her blood as it rushed to her face.  "It's really my mother's garden . . . or it was."  There was sadness in her voice; that same tone of melancholy that had drawn me to her that first night so many weeks ago.  "She passed away a year ago . . . this garden was her greatest passion.  I've tried to keep it up, but I don't seem to have the green thumb that she did."

"Nonsense, you've done a wonderful job.  The roses alone are magnificent."  I brushed my hand across one blood-red bloom; it's petals like velvet on my skin.

"They were her favorite flowers."  I saw the sadness that crept into Charlotte's eyes as she regarded the flowering bushes next to me.  "She always loved to have roses in the house."  Once again we fell into silence.

After several moments, Charlotte turned her eyes back to me.  "You're nothing like I expected a – a . . . well, someone like you to be."  She blushed once again, "I-I-I mean -- I never would have guessed that you would be interested in a garden."

I met her gaze and held it. "I'm interested in all types of beautiful things, Charlotte."  I sensed her embarrassment as she quickly dropped her eyes.  Afraid that I had been too forward, I tried to smooth over my poor attempt at flattery.  "Would you be kind enough to walk with me?  I've seen several plants that I'm unfamiliar with; I'd be most grateful for a small tour."

  


Charlotte looked back up at me, and I sensed her hesitation.  "No harm will come to you Charlotte -- I have given you my word."  She regarded me for a few more moments and then slowly nodded her head in agreement.  I bowed to her once again and with a flourish of my hand, indicated that she should lead the way.

Then in the shimmering moonlight, I followed the bewitching Charlotte Elbourne into her garden.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

True to my word, I questioned Charlotte about several of the plants and flowers.  Despite her earlier words, I found that she was quite knowledgeable about gardening and plant lore.  As she spoke, I found myself becoming quite interested as well.   She showed me her own recent addition to the abundant garden -- a small corner filled with lilies of every color and description.  With a small blush, she confided that they were her favorite flowers.  I admired a particularly lovely pink blossom and asked her its name.  "It's called a stargazer lily.  It's one of my favorites -- the colors are so beautiful."  I nodded in agreement and we slowly continued our circuit through the garden.

As we walked, I sensed some of Charlotte's earlier nervousness start to dissipate.  Trying to show her that I meant what I had promised, I did not touch her or make any sudden movements; and I was sure to maintain a comfortable distance between the two of us as we walked.  Whenever we stopped to speak of some plant or another, I made sure that I faced her completely and gave her utmost attention.  I knew that she was still leery of me, so I tried my best to put her at ease as much as possible.  By the time, we came to the end of our walk, I felt that she had grown only slightly more comfortable with my presence; and although she still feared me, she had perhaps started to accept me.  I could only hope so.

When we returned to our original starting point, I felt a small measure of disappointment fall over me; I didn't want that time with Charlotte to end.  She was everything that I had dreamt she'd be, and I had found my love for her growing once again.  All the shame and humiliation that I had felt had been reduced to a distant memory – as if that horrible night had never happened.  All that mattered to me was her -- she had touched my soul in a way that I never thought possible; and I knew that my life, such as it was, would never be the same without her.

We stopped in front of the rose bushes and I looked up at the stars for a few moments, trying to think up some pretense to see her again.  When I lowered my gaze to her face, I watched as she tried to stifle a yawn.  "Forgive me, I didn't mean to keep you so late."

Charlotte gave me a small smile, "Yes, it is quite past my bedtime; but it's alright, I really didn't mind walking with you."  She looked down and I saw the blush that crept up her throat to her face.

I was startled by her words and if I could have blushed, I believe that I would have. "Thank you for allowing me to visit you -- and your garden -- this evening.  It was very kind of you . . . it's been so long since anyone showed me any kindness."  I could not hide the sadness in my voice and Charlotte raised her eyes to my face as I finished speaking.

"Earlier you said that you had come to visit for one last time.  What did you mean?  Are you going away?"

I shook my head, "No -- not exactly."  I began to feel a little uncomfortable under her shining gaze.  "I-I-I will not lie to you Charlotte . . . but I have been to your home before -- even before the other night.  I-I-I heard your voice one night as you were reading to your father and -- and I saw you through the window."  I saw the puzzled look on her face and I sensed her heartbeat as it started to race.  "I've been watching you for several weeks . . .  I-I-I admired you."

How pathetic!  Admired?  I couldn't very well blurt out that I was in love with her, now could I?  She was still frightened of me and that would have sent her over the edge for sure -- to know that she was being spied upon by a love-struck vampire!

Charlotte's eyes widened and I saw her take several deep breaths.  Knowing that I had to finish what I had started, I continued on.  "I know that spying on you was wrong . . . and I -- I apologize for it.  I've always prided myself on being a gentleman, and such behavior is totally unacceptable.  That is why I came here tonight -- tonight would be the last time that I -- that I would see you again."   I turned my face away, not wanting to see the loathing that I was sure would follow my disclosure.  "I will trouble you no more."  

The silence stretched out between us.  I could sense Charlotte's discomfort and surprisingly, her confusion.  I watched her from the corner of my eye as she wrung her hands and glanced up at me several times.  It was sometime before she spoke again.  "Even though I'm uncomfortable with knowing that you were secretly watching me . . .  I-I-I enjoyed your company tonight.  It seems like so long since I've talked to anyone other than my father or brother.  I'd like . . . I'd like to invite you to enjoy the garden whenever you wish.  You seem so alone and -- and I got the feeling that you like being here.  You are welcome to come here whenever you like, M-M-Meier."

  


My name!  She had said my name.  I quickly turned in her direction, sure that I had misheard her.  Enjoyed my company?  I was welcome there?  Looking at her face, I saw the honesty in her eyes -- she had meant every word.  It was all I could do to keep from shouting my joy aloud.  Charlotte wanted to see me again!

I stepped towards her, "Thank you so much for your offer, Charlotte.  Your garden did lend me some peace when I need it.  I am also glad to have finally met you tonight."  Without hesitation, I reached for her small, graceful hand.  I was surprised when she did not try to pull free; even more so when she met my gaze with her own. 

"I'd like to see you again as well, if you would permit it.  Mine is a lonely existence, Charlotte.  It's not often that I can find someone to talk with either."  Recalling my gentlemanly manners once again, I made a small bow over our joined hands.  "Would you allow me the honor of calling on you again, Miss Charlotte Elbourne?"

Charlotte regarded me for a few moments and I was afraid, that once again, I had gone too far.  I watched with surprise as she smiled up at me.  "I would like it very much, Mr. Meier Link."  I could not stop the smile that formed on my lips and taking a chance, I raised Charlotte hand to my lips and pressed it with a soft kiss.  With another small bow, I reluctantly let go of her hand and watched as she sweetly blushed yet again.

Charlotte once again tried to stifle a yawn and I knew that it was time to let her seek her bed.  "Perhaps you should go inside; it's very late.  I don't want to keep you out all night."  She nodded, but seemed reluctant to leave.  "There are other things that hunt in the night, Charlotte; my presence here has kept them at bay, but they will return once I am gone."  Once again, she nodded as I gently took her elbow and guided her to the gate that led  to the back door.  As I opened the gate for her, she undid the clasp of my cloak and handed it back to me.  "I don't want you to be cold, Meier."  I nodded my thanks and settled the garment over my shoulders.

As Charlotte stepped through the gate, she turned towards me.  "Will you come again tomorrow?  I'll wait up for you."

As much as I wanted to see her again, I didn't want to rush things – for either of us.  I shook my head, "No, not tomorrow -- perhaps in another three or four days."  Her face fell a little at my words.  "But I will think of you and your beautiful garden and wish that I was here."  She looked into my eyes and I felt a strange sensation in my chest that spread out to the tips of my limbs.  "Goodnight, Charlotte."

"Goodnight, Meier."  Charlotte suddenly reached out her hand and lightly touched my cheek.  I was dumbfounded as I watched her quickly turn away and go up the stairs.  She was already in the door when I had recovered my wits.  I raised my hand to my cheek, imagining that I could feel the warmth of her fingertips where they had touched my cold flesh.

            For the first time in so long – longer than I could clearly remember, I felt what it was like to be alive. 


	5. Chapter Five: Sadness and Comfort

_---------------------------_

_Her sweet lips were more made to kiss_

_Than to cry from pain_

_Like roses after an evening rain_

_From "La Bella" by Judith_

_Lyrics by Christopher David_

_--------------------------_

_Chapter Five_

_Sadness and Comfort_

            Once again, I was waiting in the garden for Charlotte.  But as much as I loved that small corner of ours, I had also grown to hate it – for what had become a sanctuary for us had also become our prison as well.  Although she had never voiced her feelings aloud to me, I had begun to sense a restlessness in Charlotte, a yearning for something more -- something other than that green haven in her backyard.  How I longed to take her away from that place, to show her something new and captivating -- to see the light in her eyes and the smile upon her lips at each new discovery.  But I know that can never be, for we could never stroll the streets as other courting couples do:  arm-in-arm, whispering and smiling at things only the two of us understand.  If only I had something more to offer her -- something more than stolen moments and clandestine meetings.  

            When I had arrived earlier, there were several carriages lined up in the street in front of the Elbourne house.  Since her brother's return, it seemed that the family entertained quite frequently.  More than once, their gatherings went deep into the night and Charlotte was unable to meet me.  At first I had been quite upset to be left out in the cold, so to speak; but after much thought, I knew that I couldn't condemn Charlotte for wanting to visit with her friends – for she had a life outside of the time that she spent with me.

            So I was left to wait once again, imaging that I was there with her; her arm in my mine while we mingled and chatted -- and yes, perhaps even danced.  We would be the envy of every one in the room -- our eyes and smiles only for each other, the light of our love so bright that none could ever doubt our feelings for one another.  How I wish to the depths of my immortal soul that it could be so . . . 

            I was startled from my thoughts by the sound of voices and moving silently, I crouched to where I could see the front door of the Elbourne house.  Several people, men I saw, descended the front steps towards the waiting carriages.  As I watched the group, I immediately sensed that something was wrong.  In the past, most of the leaving guests were loud and animatedly wished each other a good evening and other endearments.  Those men however whispered and there was a sense of sadness and worry that hovered about them.  I began to feel uneasy and moving silently once again, I made my way to the sitting room window.

            The window was closed and locked, but there were lights burning within.  Concentrating, I tried listening for voices but was unable to hear anyone.  I was contemplating checking other rooms in the house, when Charlotte and an older man whom I did not recognize entered the room.  I could see the two speaking, but their voices were so low that I could not clearly make out the words.  The man took Charlotte's elbow and guided her to the sofa.  My uneasiness began to grow even more as I saw Charlotte's pale, drawn face.  She looked to be on the verge of exhaustion; her beautiful amber eyes were marred underneath by dark smudges and I saw that she was trembling as she slowly clasped her hands in her lap.

            The man sat down next to her and spoke, patting her on the arm as he did so.  Charlotte did not respond, but merely looked down at her hands.  After several moments, she raised her head a little and spoke.  Although I could not hear her words, I did sense her pain and knew that she was on the verge of tears.  The man looked at her sadly for a few minutes before he spoke again.  From the expression in his eyes, I knew that whatever he was saying was the cause of Charlotte's distress.  I felt Charlotte's sadness and hurt; and it was all I could do at that moment to restrain myself from bursting through the window and gathering her up in my arms.

            Charlotte unfolded her hands and dabbed at her face with a handkerchief that had been crushed in her fist.  The man patted her hand and then rose from his seat.  He spoke once more and Charlotte nodded her head slightly in response.  The man regarded her silently for a few more moments and then apparently bid her goodnight and left the room.

            With clenched fists, I watched Charlotte as she sat on the sofa, unmoving and seemingly unaware.    Abruptly, she pulled her legs underneath herself and leaning on the arm of the sofa, she buried her face in her arms.  I saw the shaking of her shoulders and I knew that she crying.  What had happened to cause my love such sadness and pain?

            With all my attention focused on Charlotte, I barely heard the front door open and then several moments later, the last of the waiting carriages pulled away from the Elbourne house.  As the carriage rounded the corner out of sight, I banged on the window and shouted out Charlotte's name.  It seemed like an eternity before my beloved raised her head and turned around towards the window. 

            I felt something within me break as I looked at her haunted, tear-streaked face.  With renewed vigor, I continued my assault on the window and heard one of panes crack.  Before I could strike another blow however, Charlotte slowly rose from the sofa; and with shaky steps, she made her way to the window.

            "M--M-Meier?" As if finally recognizing me, she quickened her steps and groped at the lock with trembling hands.  As the cursed lock finally yielded, Charlotte stepped back from the window as I pushed the panes apart and leapt into the room.

            I encircled Charlotte in my arms and pulled her to my chest.  Her voice was a hoarse whisper, "Oh, M-M-Meier . . . just hold me -- will you please just hold me?"   Absently kissing the top of her head, I felt her shake as she started to cry once more.

            Cupping the back of her head, I murmured softly to her. "Shhh, my love . . . I'm here . . . Charlotte . . . I'm here . . ." Resting my cheek on her soft hair, I held Charlotte as she cried; her pain and sadness washing over me like a pounding rain.

            -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            Charlotte cried long and hard; and her tears soaked the front of my jacket.  As exhaustion finally overtook her, she slumped against me.  Taking her up in my arms, I carried her to the sofa and gently laid her down.  Quickly unclasping my cloak, I draped it over her and then hurried over and closed the gaping windows.  Returning to Charlotte's side, I knelt down on the carpet and took her small pale hand in mine.  My heart broke as I looked at the sadness that haunted her beautiful face even as she slept.  Absently, I rubbed my thumb across the back of her hand wishing that there was something more that I could do for her.  Never had I felt so useless -- not yet knowing what had happened to cause Charlotte such distress, I could only try to comfort her as best I could until she awakened.

            It was perhaps an hour or so before Charlotte stirred and slowly opened her eyes.  As her eyes alighted on my kneeling form, I felt her hand tremble in mine and sensed a sudden wave of fear that radiated out towards me.  I felt a deep disappointment as I looked at her wide, frightened eyes; even after all our time together -- when I believed that she had begun to trust and accept me -- it saddened me that she was still afraid.  But my concern for her overrode my own feelings and I pushed away my disappointment and focused my attention on Charlotte as she softly spoke.

            "M-Meier -- where . . .?"

            "It's alright Charlotte; you're home -- in your sitting room.  Are you alright?"

            She tried to sit up and letting go of her hand, I put my arm under her and helped her.  Settling a pillow behind her, I leaned back.  "Charlotte, what is it?  What has happened?"

            She looked at me and I saw the tears as they welled in her eyes once again.  She tried several times to speak, but finally gave up; the tears sliding down her pale face.  Moving to sit next to her on the edge of the sofa, I took her hand again and I tried once more.  "Please Charlotte . . . please my love, tell me what' is wrong."

            Charlotte pulled her hand away and threw herself against me, her arms reaching around my waist and I instinctively returned her embrace. Her voice was muffled against my chest as she haltingly answered.  "M-My father . . . my f-father . . . he -- he . . . had a -- stroke . . . h-h-he . . . it's -- it's . . . the doctor . . . n-not good . . ." Charlotte broke off speaking as she was once again overwhelmed with sobs.

            I tightened my arms around her and absently kissed her hair.  "My love . . . oh, Charlotte . . . I'm so sorry . . . "  I knew how devoted Charlotte was to her father, she had spoken of him to me quite often.  His already failing health was of great concern to her; and I could only imagine what the possibility that he might be dying was doing to her.

            Sickness . . . old age . . . such things were unknown to me – for they could never touch my kind. How could I even begin to understand the frailty of human life, when I was no longer human?  How could I ever understand the pain and sadness that Charlotte was feeling?  But as I held my love within the circle of my arms, Charlotte's pain and despair reached out to me and they became my own.  So entwined with her had I become, that I could literally feel her emotions and they became mine.  At that moment, I realized that Charlotte had become a part of me -- and it would take more than the point of a sword in my heart to separate us.

            Slowly, Charlotte's sobs lessened and she pulled away from me.  Reluctantly releasing her from my embrace, I reached up my hand and gently brushed away her drying tears with my thumb.  Before I could drop my hand however, she captured it within hers.  Charlotte looked up into my eyes and I had the strangest feeling that she had also felt what I had a few moments ago.

            With my other hand, I gently brushed my fingers down her cheek.  "Are you alright, my love?"  She gave the barest of nods.  "Can you tell me what happened?  What did the doctor say?  I assume that he was the man that left you earlier?"

            Charlotte nodded her head again, "Yes . . . Dr. LeClair.  He -- he's been a friend of our family's for many years . . . my -- my father had a -- a stroke . . .  t-t-three nights ago."  She took a breath and tightened her grip on my hand, "T-this is the third one in the past six years.  The first one left him unable to walk . . ." She broke off once more.  After a few seconds, she started again.  "The doctor said that this was only a minor one, but -- but because of my father's health . . . it -- it doesn't look good . . ." A strangled sob escaped from her throat and she let go of my hand.  "W-W-What am I going to do?  I don't want him to die Meier -- he can't!"  Covering her face with her hands, she started crying once again.

            Pulling Charlotte into my arms, I stroked her back with my hand as she rested her head against my chest. We sat quietly, each of us lost in our own thoughts; and it was some time before Charlotte calmed and I relaxed my hold.  Looking intently at her face, I was struck by how pale and tired she looked.  "When was the last time that you had any sleep – or something to eat?"

            Charlotte dropped her eyes, "I-I-I don't know . . . I've been so worried about my father.  I've been with him since – since . . . I slept a little this afternoon when Dr. LeClair was here."   She pulled away from me.  "I have to go check on him."  She pushed my cloak away and rose from the couch, "I shouldn't have left him alone so long."  But as she took a few steps away, her strength seemed to give out and she started to sway.

            With the speed that only a vampire could possess, I was immediately at her side – my arms around her before she slid to the floor.  "Charlotte!"

            My love started to cry once again.  "Please -- I have to go to him – I can't leave him alone . . ."

            Gathering her up in my arms, I took her back to the sofa.  As I settled her back against the pillows, a sudden thought occurred to me, "Where is your brother?  He should be here to help you."

            Charlotte shook her head, "He's not here – he's gone away again.  He – he doesn't even know . . . Jack said that he would try to send someone tomorrow, but it will be a week or more before Alan could possibly get here." 

            "Charlotte – love, you can't go on like this.  You need to get some proper rest – some food; you won't do your father any good if you exhaust yourself into sickness.  Why don't you lie down and rest?"  Picking up my cloak from the floor, I draped it across her.

            "No Meier, not here; I need to be near my father – in case he needs me."

            "Do you want me to help you upstairs before I go?"

            She gripped my arm.  "Please . . . don't go – don't leave me.  I-I-I don't want . . . I don't want to be alone . . ." She dropped her eyes and took a breath, "Please Meier, stay with me . . . I don't want to be alone – say that you'll stay with me."

            I knew that Charlotte was distraught, but I wasn't going to take advantage of her fragile emotional state just to satisfy my own desires.  "Charlotte . . . I don't think that would be wise -- y-you don't understand what it is that you are asking of me." 

            Charlotte reached for my hand and clasped it tightly.  "I just need to have someone here, Meier.  That's all I'm asking . . . just stay with me -- sit with me while I sleep -- I just have to know that someone is here, just in case."   Her eyes and her voice pleaded with me.  "Please Meier . . ."

            I looked at her silently for several minutes as my emotions swirled within.  Could I do it?  Was I strong enough to resist the temptation?  I sensed Charlotte's fear and desperation as her eyes begged me to say yes.  I let out a weary sigh, "I cannot stay all night, Charlotte.  I must be gone from here before the sun rises . . ."

            "I-I-I know . . . but it will be enough . . ."  

            "Just sit with you -- no more?"  Charlotte nodded her head.   Giving her another long gaze, I sighed once again.  Rising from my place, I let go of her hand and drew my cloak away from her.

            "No, Meier . . . please don't  . . ." Her voice cracked with tears once again.

            Reaching down, I took her up in my arms. "Shhhhh . . . come my love, it's time you found your rest."  With Charlotte's head resting against my chest and my cloak draped over her once again, I carried her up the stairs.


	6. Chapter Six: Revelations and Declaratio...

_------------------------------_

_Your voice is the only sound I hear_

_Falling over me like waves_

_My heart beats in time with yours_

_Shaping every breath I take_

_You could say you need me always_

_You could call my name again_

_We could walk between the trees_

_And then and then and then_

_From "And Then . . ." by The Shroud_

_Lyrics by __Lydia__ Fortner_

_---------------------------------_

_Chapter Six_

_Revelations and Declarations_

            The passage of time to my kind is nothing more than the smallest ripple across the face of a calm pond; for we are immortal -- creatures that defy the very existence of time.  Centuries pass us by in the merest blink of an eye -- entire empires rise and fall without our notice -- for we stand outside of time, immune to its influence . . . and that is our curse.

            Perhaps there are some who believe that immortality could never be a curse; but they do not know -- they could never understand the longing, the aching loneliness, or the quiet desperation for the companionship of another.  No, they could not understand how the very earth itself changes and yet we do not . . . we cannot.  Truly it is a curse and not a boon . . . but until I met Charlotte Elbourne, I never realized how stifled and suffocating my existence had become.  In a few months time, one human woman was able to change what centuries of life in death could not.

            -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            Despite the doctor's prognosis, Charlotte's father made a steady recovery; however, his convalescence put a great deal of strain upon my beloved.  Charlotte was ever at his side, leaving only when her exhaustion and hunger could no longer be held at bay.   Her wretched brother, Alan, once again departed on one of his extended journeys; leaving Charlotte to shoulder the burden of caring for their father on her slight shoulders.   But my love would hear not a word against him -- defending him whenever necessary.  More than once I left her, leaving angry and disparaging words trailing in my wake.  

            Perhaps Charlotte was right; I didn't understand the bond that held a family together -- the love of a parent and child or a sister for a brother . . . and how could I?  I had no family -- no children – I had no one other than myself.  But I could understand love -- well a little anyway -- but enough to know how much Charlotte loved her father and how she would fight for his life until she had nothing left to give.  I had always admired her gentleness and her soft-spoken, giving nature; but during that time I also came to respect the core of iron within her that all her softness wrapped itself around.

            I still sat with her at night while she rested -- watching over both she and her father.  I also brought her food and harried her until she consumed all of it – for I would not see my love fall ill and wasted.  For the first time in my long existence, I had someone to care for -- to watch over and to protect -- and it was a task that I found very much to my liking.

            Charlotte had become everything to me -- she had become the sun that lit my dark-shrouded night . . . the stirring of desire that made me cry out while I rested the day away.  How I wanted to take her, to hold her and let her feel my love for her -- to share that ultimate closeness; and yet I held myself back -- afraid that I would once again lose control and let free the hungry beast that I knew myself to be.

            ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            Charlotte met me at the back door, just as she had so many nights in the last few months.  The night was clear and the moon shone brightly down, giving the garden a soft, pearly glow.  But instead of inviting me in as she had in the past; she stepped out to meet me, closing the door softly behind her.  I could sense her nervousness and I felt her racing heart.  I reached for her hand, only to find it trembling.  "What is it my love?  You're trembling . . . has something happened to your father?"

            She shook her head, "No, my father is fine."  She glanced around nervously, "Alan is here -- he arrived this morning.  I'm sorry . . . but -- but I can't . . . I can't invite you in Meier."  She dropped her eyes from mine.

            Releasing her hand, I cupped her chin and raised her back up to face me.  "I understand Charlotte -- you needn't feel sorry, I know how awkward this is for you."  I gave her a small smile, "Can you -- do you have a little time to walk with me?"  Quickly glancing around once again, she nodded her head and took my offered arm.

            We walked in silence, the sounds of the night loud around us.  As we came to that small corner of treasured lilies, I stopped and Charlotte slipped her arm from mine as I turned to face her.  How beautiful she looked -- the moonlight giving her skin a silvery glow, its light reflected in her luminous eyes . . . like a goddess of the night, who had just stepped down from the heavens.

            I bent my head and brushed Charlotte's lips with a kiss.  As we stood and looked at one another, my love raised her hand and stroked my cheek; her touch as light as a feather.  I turned my face into her palm and kissed it, savoring the touch of her skin on my cold lips.  Capturing her hand in mine, I pulled her to my chest and kissed her -- the press of my lips on hers more eager than before.  Pulling her hand from my grasp, Charlotte reached up and wound her arms around my neck intent on drawing me closer.  A small growl escaped from my throat as I felt the press of her body against mine.  Tightening my arms around Charlotte, I plundered her lips and forced my way into her mouth.  But instead of pulling away, Charlotte welcomed me into that warm sweet cavern.  I could feel my desire starting to rise and gently I lowered her down to the soft grass.

            Charlotte let out a small cry when I released her mouth; but her cry became a contented sigh as I made my way from her passion-swollen lips and down her pale neck.  I felt a rush as my lips found the pulsing beat in her throat.  With a groan, I kissed and licked the tender flesh; all the while relishing the rush of her blood just beneath the surface.  I breathed in the intoxicating scent that was Charlotte -- her perfume, her blood and the heady scent of her own rising passion.  With great effort, I pulled my lips away from that life-giving pulse and let them travel farther down and across the pale flesh above the neckline of her dress.  I could hear Charlotte's voice as she murmured my name over and over.  Her hands were deeply entwined in my hair, for the ribbon that held back my pale locks had dislodged and was long lost in the grass.  Moving my way back up Charlotte's neck, I once again captured her mouth and she welcomed me eagerly.

            Gasping for breath, we slowly pulled apart -- both of us trembling with the force of our passion.  Looking down at my love, I could see the glitter of tears in her amber eyes.  Afraid that I had done something to hurt her, I took her in my arms.  "My love -- what have I done to make you weep?"

            Charlotte pressed her face into my chest, "Oh Meier . . . I . . ." 

            I tightened my arms around her, "Please Charlotte, tell me what is wrong."

            After a few moments, Charlotte lifted her head from my chest and looked up at me.  Reaching up her hand, she cupped my cheek, "I'm in love you, Meier  . . . gods help me, I love you! " Dropping her hand, she buried her face in my chest once again.  

            For some strange reason I found myself stunned by Charlotte's declaration.  For months I had hoped to hear those words from her -- but to finally have them said aloud was a shock to my very core.  I had long felt that Charlotte held me in some regard -- I knew that she cared for me, but loved me?  Could it really be true -- could that radiant, human woman really love something like me?

            Still holding Charlotte within my embrace, I kissed the top of her head.  "Oh, Charlotte my love . . . my beautiful love."  I felt her arms snake around my waist.  "I've loved you for so long Charlotte -- I only dared to dream that you could feel the same for me.  To hear those words from your sweet lips . . . you have given me hope, Charlotte . . . for you have opened my eyes and awakened my cold dead heart."  Kissing her once again, I rested my cheek on her soft hair.  We sat wrapped in the tight embrace of each other for some time.

            ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            It was long past midnight when we finally stirred and relaxed our arms from each other.  Cupping Charlotte's face between my hands, I bent my head and kissed her -- a soft, almost chaste kiss.  Looking intently into her dark eyes I simply said, "I love you Charlotte Elbourne."

            Charlotte gave me a small smile as she reached up and brushed the disheveled hair from my face.  "Such a handsome, noble face . . ." Her fingers trailed down my cheek and across to gently brush across my lips.  "I love you too, Meier . . . with all my heart, I love you."  Lifting up her face to me, our lips met once again.  

           Taking Charlotte's hands, I pulled her up from the grass to stand beside me.  Still holding her hands, I looked down at her.  "It's very late, my love.  Dawn is only a few hours away . . ."

            "I wish you didn't have to go, Meier."  Charlotte looked into my eyes, her voice soft.  "I wish that you could stay . . ."

            I shook my head, "If only that were possible Charlotte -- I would like nothing more than to stay here with you.  How I would love to awaken every evening to see your beautiful face . . ." I brushed a soft kiss on her forehead.

            She looked down, "I don't know how long Alan is going to stay . . . he may be here for quite sometime."  Charlotte hesitated, "I don't know what he would do if he found you here."  She raised her eyes back to my face, "I want to see you -- I want to be with you . . . but . . . Alan . . ." She trailed off, a sad look on her beautiful face.

            "I won't allow anyone to come between us Charlotte -- not now, not after tonight."

            She pulled away from me, "Alan is my brother, Meier.  I -- you can't . . . please Meier, promise me -- promise me that you won't hurt him.  I know you don't like him, but he's my brother . . . you wouldn't -- I won't allow it!"  I saw the fire of her emotions in her eyes.

            "Shhhhh, my love; I did not mean it that way -- your brother is safe from me -- I give you my pledge, Charlotte."  I replied as I gathered her back into my arms.  "I will think of a way for us to be together."  Kissing the top of her head, I continued.  "I love you Charlotte -- I don't have the words to tell you how much.  I will not be parted from you -- not after all the time it has taken me to find you."

            ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            We stood at the gate that led from the garden to the back door of the Elbourne house.  I held Charlotte's hand, reluctant to let her go.  "I will come again in a few days . . ." I raised her hand and kissed it.

            "I'll watch for you."  Charlotte took her hand from mine and reached up to stroke my cheek once more.  "Be careful, Meier . . . " and with that, she turned away, through the gate and up the steps to the door.  "Goodnight, my love."  Charlotte slowly opened the door and stepped inside.

            I stood for several minutes staring at nothing.  There had to be some way that Charlotte and I could be together -- some place away from prying eyes and prejudice.  The harsh cry of another predator in the night broke through into my musings.  With a weary sigh, I started away from the Elbourne house -- dawn was fast approaching and I would be of no use to Charlotte if I were dead, burned to ash by the sun's harsh rays.


	7. Chapter Seven: Courtship and Propositio...

_--------------------------_

_Another beauty_

_Loved by a beast_

_Another tale of infinite dreams_

_Your eyes they were my paradise_

_From "__Gethsemane__" by Nightwish_

_Lyrics by Tuomas Holopainen_

_-------------------------_

_Chapter Seven_

_Courtship and Proposition_

            Do you want me to tell you how foolish I am?  I am a vampire -- the most powerful of all creatures on the face of the earth, and yet I am cowed and rendered almost helpless by the touch of a hand on my flesh or the whisper of a mouth against mine.  Although perhaps not the greatest of my kind, still I am not to be taken lightly; and yet one word, one smile, one glance from a pair of amber eyes and I am reduced to a quivering fool -- even a youth just come to his manhood has more sense than I it seems.  But perhaps that is as it should be -- but I have not the experience to know.

            Sometimes when I am with Charlotte, it seems as if I lose all sense of myself.  I think only of her -- her wants, her needs . . .   I live for her smile, her touch, her kiss -- I have devoted myself to her happiness.  To see the light in my beloved's eyes when she looks at me, to feel the pull of her heart to mine, to shiver from the gentle caress of her hand on my cold cheek -- these are the things that bring me the greatest joy and make my existence bearable.

            -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            This whole experience of love is new to me -- as I have no doubt said before; and although Charlotte seemed to be just as much a novice as I in matters of the heart, she never laughed or ridiculed my poor attempts to show her my affections.  Once I tried, quite unsuccessfully, to compose a poem for her.  I shall not go into the details of the dismal results, but I will confess that it was a complete failure.  Charlotte however, tried to soothe my wounded pride by insisting that I let her keep the offending page and then kissed me quite intently for having at least made the attempt.  I think she was just as pleased when I gave her a book filled with ancient sonnets and read to her some of my favorites.

            Once I even brought her flowers -- wild roses that grew down near the small lake just outside of the town.  I felt the world's biggest fool giving Charlotte a handful of flowers while we stood in the middle of her beautiful, lush garden.  But Charlotte smiled and I watched her eyes light up at the sight of the peach-colored blossoms.  "Meier, these are so beautiful."

            I dismissed them with a wave of my hand, "They are nothing, my love; just a silly man's impulse."

            Charlotte took my hand, "Silly or not, they're very lovely . . . thank you."  Still holding my hand, she guided me to one of the small benches that lined the pathway.  Pulling me to sit beside her, she continued on.  "I can't believe these are just growing wild.  Look at the color . . . I don't have anything like them."  She glanced towards the rose bushes in her garden and then back up at me.  "Meier . . . do you think -- would it be possible for you to get me one or two of these plants?"

            I gave her a curious look, "Yes . . . but why?  With all that you have here, why would you want these wild things?" I gestured at the small bunch in her hand.

            Charlotte gave me a small smile, "I don't know . . . I guess because -- because I seem to have developed a fondness for wild things."  I watched the blush that crept across her face as she demurely dropped her eyes.

            I laughed and pulled her to me.  "But you have undoubtedly tamed this wild thing, Miss Elbourne."  I kissed her softly.  "Tamed it with your kind words and your sweet lips."  Charlotte reached up and wound her hands in my hair as our mouths met once again, the wild roses falling to scatter on the ground around us.

            --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            I am not prone to being nervous -- it is impossible for vampires to be nervous . . . or so I once thought.  Yet here I was, pacing the length of the library of my sanctuary.  Tonight I had planned something special for Charlotte -- something that I hoped would mean as much to her as I knew it would to me.  Tonight I hoped to take her away from her father's house -- if only for a short time -- to a place where the two of us could be together, free from prying eyes and the hatred of humans.

            I will hone up and say that it was not wholly my own idea – that it came from a book of romantic drivel that I happened upon.  The story itself was forgettable: a man and woman, who at first didn't like one another, eventually fall in love.  But it was the things that the man did as he courted the woman that set the wheels of my mind spinning.  Thus the idea for this evening's outing -- a picnic of sorts near the small lake just outside of the town.  Perhaps picnic is not the proper word -- my plan being only a bottle of wine and a soft blanket on the grass, but it was close enough for my purposes.  I would also be able to show Charlotte where the wild roses grew along the banks of the lake and get her the plants that I had promised her.  I wanted so much for this evening to be perfect -- for the two of us to be alone and free to express our love for one another.

            Yes, tonight I hoped to take that final step and make Charlotte mine -- in body as well as in heart.  Tonight I hoped to make love to the goddess who had stolen my heart and freed my soul from an eternity of cold dark emptiness.

            -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            I rode my horse through the sleeping streets of the town, my pace unhurried.  I had debated on whether or not to bring a carriage or at least another horse, but I didn't know if Charlotte could ride and I was fearful of my carriage being seen near her home.  So I chose instead to come on a single horse, using my unique powers to help hide my passing.  I had already prepared everything for our time together and had entrusted one of my servants with the task of making ready for our arrival.

            Have I mentioned vampire servants yet?  There is not time enough to tell all, but suffice it to say that there is a particular breed of mutant that has faithfully served vampire-kind for over five thousand years.  These mutants call themselves the Barbarois -- and they are as loyal as they are fierce.  I have had many other servants in my long existence -- dunpeals, mutant half-breeds and even full-blooded humans; but nothing could ever take the place of a trusted Barbarois.  Their price is high, but they are worth every dollar spent.  I have entrusted my life to them on more than one l occasion and have never been sorry.

            So I left my servant at the lake to prepare for my arrival with Charlotte -- he would see that everything was laid ready and would also clear the immediate area of any unwanted creatures that could disrupt our evening.

            Leaving my horse several houses away from Charlotte's, I made my way into the garden to await my beloved's arrival.  Once again the cool light of the moon shone down and washed the earth in its silver glow.  As I wandered along the path waiting for Charlotte, my thoughts turned towards the future.  As I have said before, time is a fleeting thing to my kind -- for we are immortal.  We do not think in terms of past or future -- only of the here and now.  Yet lately I had started to think about the future -- about what it might hold for the two of us.

            I knew that things could not remain as they had been -- our feelings for one another were too strong, too consuming.  Ours was a love of such power that at times it threatened to overwhelm and engulf us.  How I ached to hold Charlotte tightly in my embrace as I joined myself with her beautiful, warm body.  More than once, I saw that same desire and longing in my beloved's eyes and it took every effort on my part not to pull her to the ground and do just that.  But I wanted no frenzied coupling on the cold ground -- no rutting like beasts in a field.  I wanted seduction and tenderness; kissing and caressing; exploration and discovery -- I wanted to slowly and gently make love with Charlotte; to share with her the most intimate thing that two people could experience.  I wanted to make love with her under the silver light of the moon as we cried out our passions to the night sky.

            I felt Charlotte's presence in the garden long before I saw her.  I knew that she hated the fact that she could never surprise me -- for I could always sense her, no matter how quiet she was.  But hoping to gain some favor for my plan, I acted as though I was unaware of her until she was right behind me.  But before she could speak or touch me, I quickly spun around and took her up in my arms.

            Charlotte let out a small squeak of surprise, "M-M-Meier!"  Smiling, I kissed her and then gently set her back down.  "You scared me half to death -- you knew I was there whole time, didn't you?"  Charlotte slipped her arm through mine and rested her head on my shoulder.  "I hate it when you do that . . ."

            I kissed the top of her head, "I know, but I like to watch the surprise on your face -- all wide-eyed and breathless; it makes me want to kiss you even more."

            "Well if you scare me like that again, you'll have to find someone else to kiss."  She teased.

            Turning her into my embrace, I kissed her tenderly.  "Never my love -- after having tasted paradise in your sweet lips Charlotte, I could never kiss another."  Charlotte blushed and rested her head on my chest as my hands lightly caressed her back.  Pausing momentarily, I put my hand under her chin and raised her face up towards mine.  "Charlotte . . . would -- would you consent to leave this garden for a few hours and come with me?  I have a horse -- I thought we might ride down towards the lake.  It isn't very far . . ."

            Charlotte pulled away from me a little, "I -- we . . . I can't . . ." Her voice faltered a little and I sensed her apprehension.  "I'm sorry Meier -- but I just can't . . . what if we're seen?  It's too dangerous."

            "Please Charlotte -- just for an hour or two?  I know that you're afraid, but I promise -- everything will be alright.  I can hide our passing . . ."

            Charlotte was silent for several long moments and I once again sensed her inner turmoil. Taking her hand, I gave it a gentle squeeze.  "Please my love -- grant me this one favor."

            Charlotte shook her head, "Meier . . ."

            I dropped her hand from mine and sighed.  "Do you never wish to escape from this garden, Charlotte? There is a whole world waiting outside your gate -- a world that I long to show you."  I put my hands on her slight shoulders and looked down into her eyes.  "I love you Charlotte . . . but -- but this place begins to chafe at me."

            I looked away from her for a moment, "I have never asked you for anything my love -- everything that you have given me has been of your own free will, is that not so?"  Charlotte slowly nodded her head.  "Please Charlotte, I ask only this one thing of you . . . come with me -- leave this place behind for a short time."  I released her as I looked back down into her face.

            Charlotte dropped her eyes from mine as she went silent once again.  After several minutes, I sighed in frustration and turned away from her.  "You say that you love me and yet . . . and yet you still do not trust me."  I turned back to look at her, "I have held you in my arms, kissed you and pledged my heart to you -- and still you fear me."  Even to my ears my voice sounded sad and strangled.

            Charlotte came to me and took my hands in hers.  "No, Meier -- don't say that.  It's not true, I'm not afraid of you -- and I do trust you, I trust you with my life."  She released my hands and reached up to cup my face.  "But I am afraid _for you, don't you understand?"  Charlotte wrapped her arms around my waist and rested her head on my chest.  "I'm just so afraid that someone will see you -- see us together -- and then . . . and . . . I couldn't bear to lose you, my love . . ."_

            I slipped my arms around her and kissed the top of her head.  "Shhh . . . you aren't going to lose me Charlotte.  There is not one man in this whole town that could stand against me.  Let them come -- let them try to separate us . . ."

            Charlotte pulled away from me, "See what I mean?  Sometimes you are so reckless Meier. If you won't think of your own safety, then think of mine.  Do you think an angry mob will be any gentler with me than they would with you?"  I saw the wetness that shined in Charlotte's eyes as she spoke.  "It wouldn't matter to them if you had . . . had not taken blood from me; it would be enough that you and I were even together."  She turned away from me so that I would not see her tears -- but I knew that she was crying.

            I watched Charlotte as I thought about what she had said and I knew that her words were true -- although I had never fed from her, still there would be no mercy for her; she would be judged guilty by mere association.  For the first time, I realized just what Charlotte had done by willingly confessing her love for me -- she had virtually condemned herself -- as the human lover of a vampire -- a thing to be despised and loathed.  Charlotte had put herself in mortal danger to love me.

            I moved until I was once again standing in front of her.  "Charlotte . . . I'm sorry -- I didn't realize how difficult this has been for you."  I reached for her hand and gently stroked my thumb against the back of her palm.  "This is all so new to me . . . I've never loved anyone before."  I looked over her shoulder for a moment, trying to sort out my feelings into words.  "You mean so much to me Charlotte, more than I believed anyone or anything ever could."  I raised her hand to my lips and kissed it.  "You are all that I think about -- all that I dream about.  I want so much to be with you -- to have you by my side every hour of every day."

            I released Charlotte's hand and once again wrapped her in my embrace, "You have freely given me your heart Charlotte . . . given me your love -- knowing full well what I am . . ."  

            Charlotte reached up her hand and placed it over my mouth to stop my words.  "You are the man that I love Meier -- that is all I know."  She let the tips of her fingers brush across my bottom lip, her touch as light as air -- like the whisper of silk against my mouth.  "I love you so much, although I know that I shouldn't.  By all rights I should hate you and fear you . . . but--but I've seen into the heart of you, Meier -- I've seen what lies inside and that's why I fell in love with you."  Charlotte laid her head against my chest.  "I wish that the world were different -- that we could just be together without anyone judging us . . . condemning us."  Charlotte's voice broke as she finished speaking.

            I tightened my arms around her and rested my cheek on the top of her head.  "I will find us a place my love -- a place where we can be free to love one another . . . free to be who we are.  I give you my promise Charlotte -- I will find that place and I will bring you there . . ."   I smiled to myself and lightly kissed Charlotte's hair, "and then I will love you with such abandon that you will never catch your breath."   We stood locked together for sometime while the night deepened around us.

            Charlotte finally broke the silence as she lifted her head up and looked at me.  "Meier . . . what you asked earlier . . . I-I'd like to go with you."  She stood on her toes and kissed my cheek. "Please my love, take me away from here -- let me escape from this world for awhile." 


	8. Chapter Eight: Passion and Paradise

_--------------------------_

_Would you do it with me?_

_Heal the scars and change the stars_

_Would you do it for me?_

_Turn loose the heaven within_

_I'd take you away_

_Castaway on a lonely day_

_Bosom for a teary cheek_

_My song can but borrow your grace_

_All I ever craved were the two dreams I shared with you_

_One I now have, will the other ever dream remain_

_For yours I truly wish to be_

_From "Ever Dream" by Nightwish_

_Lyrics by Tuomas Holopainen_

_-------------------------_

_Chapter Eight_

_Passion and __Paradise_

            We rode out into the night, Charlotte perched side-saddle in front of me.  She was shrouded within the folds of my cloak with her arms around my waist and her head on my chest.  The air rushed by us as I urged the horse faster towards the open road.  The lake was not very far from the town, only perhaps fifteen or twenty minutes by horseback.  The sky was clear and the stars were bright as we left the main road and picked up the small trail that led down towards the lakeshore.

            My servant had performed his duties well, and I had no trouble finding the spot that he had prepared for us.  A small fire pit burned not far from the soft woolen blanket that had been spread on the ground.  Next to the blanket rested a covered basket and much to my surprise, a small bundle of the wild peach-colored roses.  The lake glistened in the moonlight only a few yards away.  I heard Charlotte catch her breath as I reined my horse to a stop.

            "Meier -- did you do this for me?  But how did you know I would come?"  Charlotte looked up at me as she spoke, pushing the hood my cloak down from her face.  I bent my head and brushed her lips with a soft kiss, "I didn't -- but I prayed and hoped that you would."  Pulling away from her embrace, I dismounted.  Reaching up, I swung Charlotte down next to me.   Taking her hand, I lead her towards the lakeshore leaving the horse to graze.

            As we reached the water's edge, I turned and took my love in my arms.  Charlotte looked up at me, a small smile playing on her lips.  "It's so beautiful . . . the starlight on the water – shimmering like little diamonds."

            I felt myself smiling in return as I bent my head and kissed her.  Charlotte wound her arms around my neck as she eagerly returned my kiss.  Her lips parted under mine as her fingers strayed through my pale hair.  With a small groan, I released her mouth and let my lips travel down her neck.  As I nuzzled at her throat, my fingers worked at the clasp of the cloak.  The dark material was soon sliding to the ground as my lips continued their moist trail down and across the pale expanse of flesh above the neckline of her dress.

            Charlotte let out a small cry and pressed herself even closer into my embrace.  I kissed my way back towards Charlotte's mouth as my hands smoothed and caressed her back.  "Oh Charlotte -- my beautiful love . . . " I kissed her forehead, her eyelids, her nose.  "How I want to love you . . ."  I once again kissed my way down her neck until I found the life-giving pulse in her throat.  I drank in the scent of her as I savored the beat of the blood underneath her skin.  I lightly blew on her neck and felt her shiver in my arms.  For several minutes I kissed and licked at Charlotte's throat, as her blood sang out to me.

            But unlike before, my hunger did not rise out of control, for I had fed -- no gorged myself -- in the three nights before this one.  Not since my earliest days had I reveled in the bloodlust as I had just a few nights ago.  Charlotte would have been horrified if she knew what I had done, but it was for her own good -- her own safety -- that I had allowed the beast within myself to rage free, even for a few short hours.  But I was not willing to take any chances -- I would not allow the hunger to overcome me, to endanger Charlotte; and so I had killed and drank until I could drink no more.

            Charlotte was making small mewing noises as I resumed my trail of kisses along her neck and back up to her sweet lips.  As I again devoured her mouth, Charlotte's hands roamed across my back and down my chest.  I groaned deep in my throat as her hands found their way underneath my jacket, her fingertips burning my skin as they played across my chest through my shirt.  My desire had risen to an almost painful tightening and I knew that I would not be able to hold back much longer.

            Releasing Charlotte's sweet mouth, I cupped my hands around her face.  I could see the same longing and frustration in her eyes and it gave me hope.  "Charlotte, my precious . . ." My thumbs stroked along her cheekbones, "How I love you . . ." My tongue seemed thick and it was as if I could not form the words to speak.

            Charlotte reached up and covered my hands with hers.  "You are my one and only love, Meier . . ." She turned her face into my palm and kissed it.  My breath hissed between my teeth as her lips met my flesh.  Lifting my hands, she placed one on her hip and the other on her bosom.  Her eyes were wide as she looked back up at me.  "I . . . I want you to love me . . ." I saw the blush as it crept across her face.  "I want to feel you -- touching me . . . . I want -- I want you to love me Meier . . . make me yours . . ."

            My breath caught in my throat at Charlotte's words and I felt her arousal as my hand cupped her breast.  Charlotte pressed herself even closer to me until I knew that she could feel the proof of my own aching desire.  Without a word, I brushed her lips with a gentle kiss and then scooped her up in my arms; gathering up my fallen cloak as I did so.

            A few long strides brought us back to the waiting blanket and the fire.  After dropping my cloak down on the blanket, I gently set Charlotte down and then lowered myself next to her.  Charlotte raised her hand and lightly brushed her fingers down my cheek.  I closed my eyes as I felt her fingertips on my cold flesh.  "Show me, Meier . . . show me how to love you."  Charlotte's voice whispered softly as my hands reached for the ties on the bodice of her gown.

            As the silk parted under my hands, I finally beheld the lush perfection of Charlotte's body.  I groaned deep in my throat as my mouth made contact with her warm, inviting flesh.  Charlotte's hands were in my hair, her voice murmuring in my ear -- urging me on.

            All too soon, Charlotte and I were lost in the madness of passion and desire while the moon shone its silver light over our entwined bodies.

            --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            Wrapped in each other's arms, my cloak our only covering, Charlotte and I lay together on the blanket -- our passion spent and sated for the moment.  Charlotte rested her head on my chest while my fingers traced circles on the warm pale skin of her back.  Never had I felt as contented as I did at that moment -- making love with Charlotte had been everything that I dreamt it would be and more.

            As I have said before, I was no stranger to the act of sex -- but never before had I experienced anything like what the two of us shared on that blanket by the lake.  Not only did we join our bodies together, but we also joined our souls.   Such were my feelings of joy and ecstasy that I nearly wept from the overwhelming power of it -- and Charlotte did weep.  At first I thought perhaps that I had hurt her -- for I had been her first -- but Charlotte smoothed away my fears until I knew that hers had been tears of joy as well.  Together we had reached the highest peak of our desire and then plunged down into a sea of soul-searing pleasure and emotion.  Charlotte and I had clung to one another as we rode the waves of ecstasy that seemed to go on forever.  For sometime afterwards, we just lay together -- enjoying the closeness of one another.

            The cheery little fire had burned down to embers and the air was cool.  I felt Charlotte shiver and I tightened my arms around her, although my body had no warmth to offer her.  She snuggled closer into my embrace and lightly kissed my bare chest, the touch of her lips sending a shiver down my spine.  "Is it always like that?"  Charlotte's voice whispered to me.  "I never knew . . . I-I never dreamed that it could be like that . . ."

            I smiled to myself as my fingers toyed with the curls of her hair.  "It will always be like that for us, my love.  We made love with our souls as well as our bodies Charlotte – a very rare thing, even among humans."

            I cupped Charlotte's chin with my other hand and raised her face up towards me.  "You are like the sun to me -- so bright and warm . . . you have thawed out the cold dead thing that was my heart -- you have become my heart."

            Gently rolling Charlotte on her back, I sought out her warm welcoming mouth once again.  As my body covered hers, Charlotte opened herself to me and we soon found ourselves lost in ecstasy once more.

            -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            Once again wrapped in my cloak, Charlotte and I sat together on the blanket; she between my legs with her back against my chest and my arms wrapped around her.  Earlier, I had stoked the fire so that now it was once again burning brightly.  I felt Charlotte relax against me as I planted light kisses on her shoulders, neck and back.

            "Meier," I heard the hesitation in Charlotte's voice and I abruptly ceased my attentions to the back of her neck as I quietly waited for her to continue; "Is it true that-- that . . ." she broke off, her voice sounding a little fearful.

            Her hesitation and manner made my own anxiety rise and I tightened my arms around her.  "What is it my love -- what troubles you so?"  I rested my cheek on her hair.

            I felt her struggling to find the words, "Is it true . . . I've heard stories -- but . . . is it true that vampires and humans . . . is it true that vampires and humans can have children together?"  Charlotte finished quickly as her words spilled out in a rush.

            My head jerked up as my arms dropped from her and I scrambled around until I faced her.  Charlotte's eyes were wide and there was a hint of fear in their dark amber depths.  She dropped her gaze, "Tell me Meier -- is it true?"  I was at a momentary loss for words.  Is that what Charlotte was afraid of – that I may have gotten her with child?

            A child -- the very thought terrified me.  For it would be a dunpeal child -- half human/half vampire.  Such creatures were considered to be abominations -- they had no place in either the mortal or the vampire world.  The fact that the vampire king himself had supposedly sired such a child was still not enough to dispel the hatred and loathing that surrounded such beings.

            True, in the past I had taken a few dunpeals into my service, but it had never lasted very long -- there being too many centuries of prejudice and persecution between our kinds to overcome.  Yet, to have a child with Charlotte -- a child that was a part of the both of us -- to have some semblance of a family, the very thought was almost too much for me to comprehend and it frightened me.

            I put my hands on Charlotte's shoulders and she looked up at my touch.  "Yes, it is true.  But, it is very rare -- it has been many, many years since I heard of such a thing happening."  I softly kissed her forehead.

            "Then you and I -- we could never have a child together . . . a child of our own?"

            My hands slid down Charlotte's arms until they gripped her hands tightly.  "I think it very unlikely, Charlotte."  I hesitated for a moment, "But perhaps it is for the best -- such children are not . . . well received in the world."  Charlotte said nothing, but her eyes gave me a searching look.  

            After several long minutes, Charlotte took her hands from mine.  "I think I had better get home now.  I'm sure dawn can't be too far away."  Her voice was low and flat sounding.  I nodded my head as I rose.  I gathered up my clothing and quickly dressed while Charlotte remained huddled within my cloak.  "I'll go fetch the horse," I said when I had finished.  Without waiting for her to reply, I turned and stalked to where the beast lazily grazed.

            ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            Charlotte and I stood at the gate that led to the back door of her house.  Our return trip had been silent -- the silence like a wall between us.  We stood facing one another, yet not looking at each other.  Charlotte's eyes were on the ground between us as my own looked out over her shoulder at the door to her house.  After several long minutes, I finally let out a frustrated sigh and gripped Charlotte by her shoulders.  "Please my love . . . Charlotte -- look at me."  My voice softly pleaded with her.

            After a few moments, she slowly raised her head and looked into my eyes.  My hands gently caressed her shoulders as we stood silently looking at one another.  "Charlotte . . . tonight -- tonight was unlike anything I have ever known."  I dropped my hands from her shoulders and moved closer to her as my arms snaked around her waist.  "I love you Charlotte -- with all that I am.  You have touched my soul and awakened what has been cold and dead for centuries."  I kissed her forehead as I pulled her closer into my embrace.

            Charlotte returned my embrace and I could feel her trembling in my arms.  "I love you too Meier . . . you are the only man I will ever love."  She pressed her face into my chest.  "I never dreamed that love could be so . . . so powerful -- so beautiful."  She raised her head and looked up at me once again.  "You have given me something beautiful, Meier . . ." She broke off and I could see the hint of tears that threatened to spill from her dark eyes.  "I wish that things were different . . . that we could just be two people who loved one another . . . that we could be like everyone else – that we could live like everyone else."

            I kissed her hair, "I know my love -- but we aren't like everyone else.  We are what we are – we can only love each other as best we can."  I gave her a small smile, "But perhaps that is a good thing -- for our love is not like any other, Charlotte."  I reached up and brushed the hair from her face, tucking it behind her ear.  "You are my goddess of the night Charlotte Elbourne; and willingly would I worship at your feet until the end of all time."  I bent my head and kissed her as my hands wound through her dark curls.

            Charlotte's hands smoothed across my back as she opened herself to my kiss.  As our tongues met and dueled with one another, I felt the wall that had come between us start to dissipate.  It did not disappear entirely, but at that moment it was enough.

            --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            I held the gate open for Charlotte as she stepped through and mounted the steps to her back door.  She turned to me as her hand found the doorknob.  "Will you come for me tomorrow?"  I saw the blush that crept across her face.

            I wanted nothing more than to share another night of passion with my beloved; but although she had not said anything to me, I had sensed that Charlotte had experienced some discomfort and I thought it best to let her rest for a few days.

            "No my love – so soon . . . it would not be wise for you."  I saw her face drop at my words and I tried to reassure her with a smile.  "We have all the time in the world to love each other Charlotte and I do not want to overtax you.  I will come again in a few days -- perhaps we might take another ride?"

            Charlotte's blush deepened and she smiled at me shyly.  "Perhaps . . ." she teased.

            I smiled in spite of myself, "Get yourself to bed Miss Elbourne -- before I lose all control and take you right here on your father's steps."

            "Meier -- you wouldn't dare!"

            I moved a few steps towards her, "Don't tempt me -- you have no idea how beautiful you look with your cheeks all flushed and your eyes wide and dark.  Please my love, I'm only holding on by the barest of threads as it is -- don't torture me anymore."  My voice was light and I saw Charlotte smile as she caught my jest.

            "Well it only serves you right, Meier -- taking me away in the night and making love to me . . . "  She once again teased me.  I growled in my throat and she smiled, "If you think you can frighten me Meier Link, you're sadly mistaken."  Her voice changed, her tone grew softer.  "There is nothing you could do or say that would make me afraid of you – because I love you too much.  Goodnight, my love."  She turned away and opened the door.

            As the door closed behind Charlotte, I caught a slight movement in the corner of my eye.  Glancing up at the dark windows of the Elbourne house, I concentrated my gaze, searching for a trace of what had fleetingly caught my attention.  After a few moments, I shook my head -- dismissing it as mere tiredness.  In fact, I did feel quite fatigued and with a weary sigh, I turned away from Charlotte's house and was soon on my way home, the faint traces of dawn already starting to lighten the sky.


	9. Chapter Nine: Discovery and Heartbreak

_---------------------------_

_Close your eyes_

_Feel the ocean where passion lies_

_Silently the senses_

_Abandon all defenses_

_A place between sleep and awake_

_End of innocence, unending masquerade_

_That's where I'll wait for you_

_Hold me near you_

_So close I sear you_

_Seeing, believing_

_Dreaming, deceiving_

_From "Sleepwalker" by Nightwish_

_Lyrics by Tuomas Holopainen_

_-------------------------_

_Chapter Nine_

_Discovery and Heartbreak_

            Never in my long existence had I known such bliss as I found within Charlotte's sweet embrace.  Our nights, with our bodies wound tightly together in the grip of our passion, were the stuff of dreams -- we fit so perfectly, so naturally together.  Each time that we made love I could feel our bond with one another strengthening and growing.  Charlotte's shy, tentative caresses grew bolder and surer -- her hands and lips driving me to the brink of reason, at times long before I ever joined with her warm, welcoming body.

            Our nights were filled with exploration and discovery -- each partner giving and learning from the other.  Sometimes as I rested during the day, I would dream of the night before and I would awaken at sundown to find myself in a most uncomfortable state of arousal.  It was almost as if I had become enslaved to the power of our lovemaking.  How I wanted Charlotte with me; so that when I awakened she would be there, waiting for me -- ready for me.

            I knew that something had to change -- for as it stood, Charlotte and I could never be together as we were meant to be.  Our only hope lay in leaving the town -- but I had no idea as to where we could go, for the prejudices that surrounded us could be found everywhere.  On those nights when I could not go to Charlotte -- because of her family or when her monthly cycle came; I spent my time searching for that place that I had promised her -- a place where we could be free to love one another as man and woman, not vampire and human.  Yet always I came away empty-handed -- as if the very world conspired against us.  But I would not give up -- not after I had found the love that had been denied me for so long.  I had convinced myself that such a place existed and I was determined to find it -- no matter how long it took.

            But it was our love and passion for one another that also blinded us to the world around us -- and so I should not have been surprised when we were confronted by the very danger that Charlotte had feared would find us sooner or later.

            ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            I will openly admit that I held no regard for Alan, my love's older brother.  From the first time that I saw him, there was something that turned me the wrong way.  I cannot put into words what it was, only that there was something in his manner -- his attitude -- that I instantly disliked.  But Charlotte was devoted to him and would not hear one word against him.  During her father's illness, as you will recall, we argued more than once over Alan's constant absences while my love was burdened with the task of caring for their father.  But because Alan was Charlotte's brother, I tried to keep my feelings hidden from her -- I tried to speak civilly of him and to give him the benefit of the doubt.

            What can I write about Alan Elbourne?  He was older than Charlotte by a few years and was considered to be quite handsome -- a most sought after catch by many young ladies.  His manner could be slightly arrogant at times and he was highly regarded by the other young men in the town and was something of a leader to them.  Although he was not a wastrel, Alan had no qualms about spending the Elbourne fortune -- which was quite considerable -- on drink and gambling.  He also had a great love of travel and never missed an opportunity for adventure and exploration.  All in all, I suppose he was like any other spoiled, rich young man -- for good or ill.

            But the one thing that I could never fault him for was his love for his sister.  He was just as devoted to Charlotte as she was to him -- sometimes to the point of smothering her.  Whenever he returned from one of his extended journeys, he would bring Charlotte some small gift and spend hours telling her everything that had happened along the road.  Once or twice I listened at the window as Alan spun his tales for his sister and father.

            By purest chance I also discovered that Alan hoped to arrange a match between Charlotte and one of his friends, a man by the name of Jack Turner.  The jealousy that burned within me over the thought of some other man touching my love was so great that it was almost painful.  I had pledged never to harm Alan Elbourne, but I knew I could make no such pledge regarding his friend.  Charlotte was mine and I would let no other man have her.  

            Charlotte's brother also liked to entertain and there were times when a whole week would pass before she and I could be with one another because of the endless stream of guests constantly coming and going from their home.  Those were the times that I hated Alan the most and would fervently wish that some journey would come along to take him away.  For without her brother there, Charlotte would invite me into the house while her father slept -- oblivious to my presence.  I remember feeling tongue-tied and almost shy the first time that she led me up the stairs to her room where we made love on the cool, silk sheets of her bed.  But when Alan was in residence, it was all I could do to get Charlotte to walk with me in her garden for a short time.  Although we had never met face-to-face, I resented Alan Elbourne and his intrusion into our relationship.

            --------------------------------------------------------------------------

            I was waiting at the back gate for Charlotte; we had planned to ride out to the lake once again, for I had never brought the wild rose bushes that I had promised her.  I had been waiting for some time and had begun to feel a little uneasy -- I had the oddest sensation that I was being watched.  But as I let my senses scan the area around me, I could detect nothing.  I frowned and began to wonder what was keeping my love.  There had been no carriages or horses in front of the house and I could hear no voices within so I knew that her family was not entertaining -- so why had she not come yet?  A frustrated sigh escaped from my throat as I started pacing back and forth like some kind of caged animal.  The odd sensation from earlier had not left me and my feelings of discomfort grew by the minute.

            After perhaps a quarter of an hour, I was rewarded as the back door opened and Charlotte stepped out into the night.  Hurrying down the steps, she almost threw herself into my waiting embrace.  "Meier, I'm sorry -- I didn't mean to keep you waiting."  She lifted her face up to mine for a quick kiss.

            "It's alright my love -- there is nothing wrong I hope?  Your father has not taken ill?"

            Charlotte shook her head, "No, quite the opposite.  He seems to be doing better every day.  In fact that's why I'm so late; he wanted me to read to him before he retired."

            "That is good news -- I'm glad for your sake that he is recovered at last."  I let my fingers slide through Charlotte's hair as I held her.

            She tightened her arms around me, "Yes, it's taken so long -- I never thought he would come back."  She kissed my chest through my jacket.  "I would never have gotten through it without you Meier -- your love and strength kept me going when I had just about given up."

            "No my love, the strength was all yours."  I kissed the top of her head and rested my cheek on her hair.  "I never met anyone like you Charlotte, so soft and gentle -- and yet as strong as iron at the core.  It was your love and devotion that helped your father to recover -- your determination to see him live.  It is but one of the many things that I admire and love about you."  I finished as Charlotte moved her head to look up at me.

            I had just bent my head to kiss her again when I felt an overwhelming sense of danger steal over me.  My head snapped up just in time to see the man as he hurled himself towards us from the cover of the garden.

            "Charlotte!  Run -- get away from it!"  The man held a gun in his hand, "Let go of her you monster!"  As the moonlight fell on the man's features, I felt my heart sink; for the man was none other than Alan Elbourne.

            Alan came slowly towards us until he was only a few feet away.  I saw the dull gleam of the pistol as he pointed it up towards my head.  "I said let her go -- now!"  He held out his other hand towards his sister, "Charlotte, it's alright.  I won't let it hurt you.  Just come here, slowly."

            I could feel Charlotte as she started to tremble in my arms.  "A-Alan -- what?"  Her voice sounded strangled.

            Once again he motioned with his hand, "Here Charlotte -- reach for my hand . . . don't worry I won't let that thing take you."  

            My love shook her head, "N-No -- you don't understand . . . Alan please -- please put the gun down."

            Alan's eyes narrowed as he looked at me, "What have you done to her you black-hearted devil?  What kind of spell have you put on my sister?"

            Charlotte moved until she was standing in front of me, as if she meant to shield me from her brother.  "Alan please, you don't understand.  It's not what you think . . . please, put the gun down."

            "You don't know what you're saying Charlotte -- he's put some kind of spell on you.  He's going to kill you . . . please Charlotte come to me."  Charlotte continued to stand in front of me and I sensed her rapidly beating heart and knew that she was afraid -- afraid for me.

            Her voice was soft as she looked at her brother.  "No Alan, I'm not under any spell; I know exactly what I'm doing.  Meier has done nothing to hurt me -- he would never hurt me.  Please put the gun down and I'll explain everything to you."

            I watched the color drain from Alan's face as he finally seemed to realize that Charlotte was under no compulsion and that she in fact seemed to be protecting me from him.  "Please Charlotte don't do this -- come in the house with me now . . . you'll be safe in the house."

            Charlotte slowly stepped towards her brother.  When she reached him, she put her hand on the arm that held the pistol and gently pushed it down to his side.  "I won't let you hurt the man I love, Alan."

             Her brother let out a strangled sob, "N-No -- don't say that!  It's a monster -- an evil thing of the night.  It put a spell on you -- you don't know what you're saying.  You can't be in love with -- with that."  I felt my lips draw back over my teeth at Alan's words, but otherwise I remained motionless.

            Charlotte looked up into Alan's eyes as her hand touched his arm.  "He's not an 'it' Alan -- his name is Meier Link and I am in love with him."

            "Link?"  Alan's voice sounded incredulous as he looked up at me.  "Good gods Charlotte -- what have you done?"  He pulled away from her touch and looked at her like she was a stranger -- some unclean, horrible thing.  "Please Char . . . tell me you haven't -- you haven't given yourself to him?  When I saw you in his arms . . . I knew it had to be some kind of spell.  Please say that you didn't let that devil. . ."

            "Enough!"  My voice boomed out.  I had reached the end of my patience with Alan Elbourne and his derogatory names.  "I have done nothing to harm your sister, Mr. Elbourne.  I have given Charlotte my sworn word and she has accepted it."

            "Your word -- as if the word of a hell-spawned monster would mean anything."  He sneered at me.

            "Alan -- please you're only making this more difficult."  Charlotte again reached out her hand, but her brother backed away.

            "No Charlotte, you don't understand what you've done -- you've ruined yourself – ruined yourself beyond redemption . . . how could you?  How could you do this to our family?  Did you even think about what this could do to our father?  You'll put him in his grave!"

            Alan looked at me and I saw the hatred burning in his eyes.  "This is all your doing -- you put a spell on my sister -- drew her to you like a lamb to the slaughter.  I swear I'll kill you for what you've done."

            Charlotte let out a strangled gasp, "No, Alan -- don't say that . . . you don't understand . . ."

            Alan reached out and grabbed Charlotte by the arm and I saw her wince in his grip.  "I understand that you've whored yourself out to a vampire!  A vampire -- gods Char, how could you be so stupid?"  Pulling Charlotte with him, Alan moved toward the gate.

            Once again he brought the pistol up and aimed it at me.  "Move away from the gate -- now.  I won't hesitate to use this on you."  He waved the gun at me and I slowly moved away from the gate, my eyes never leaving Charlotte's terrified crying face.

            The two mounted the steps and as they reached the door, Alan turned back towards me.  "If I see you here again, I swear you'll die where you stand."  He fumbled with the knob and shoved the door open, pushing Charlotte through it ahead of him.  As the door slammed shut, I heard Charlotte cry out my name.

            A hoarse, animal-like cry rose in my throat; and grabbing the wrought iron gate, I ripped it away from the fence post and bent it in my hands.  The rage was still coursing through my veins as I threw the twisted metal down onto the ground.  I stood and looked up at the Elbourne house, as a cold hatred swept through my heart.  With every ounce of power that I possessed, I shouted out a single word into the night.  "CHARLOTTE!"

            Dogs howled, birds awakened and soared up from the trees, flowers wilted around me as frost touched the air, horses kicked at their stalls and more than one window pane cracked from the force of my cry.  Lights went on in several surrounding homes and I sensed the overwhelming fear that spread out into the night.  

            Gathering my cloak around me, I headed into the night bent on releasing the rage that burned through me like hell-fire.

            ---------------------------------------------------------------------------

            It has been almost two weeks since I last saw Charlotte -- two weeks of absolute torture.  My very body aches with the pain of my loneliness.  How I hate Alan Elbourne -- how I long to put my hands around his neck and squeeze the very life from him.  As I sit here gritting my teeth in frustration, I remember my pledge to Charlotte and no matter how much I hate her brother, I will not break my word to her.  He may think that he has won -- that he has separated us, but he is greatly mistaken. 

            I allow myself a triumphant smile as I look back down at the letter on the desk next to me.  _Yes my love, we will be together again and no one will ever be able to come between us.  Finally, my long quest to find a sanctuary for Charlotte and I had born results.   So please forgive me, as I must close here and prepare my response to that small piece of hope that my servant brought me only this morning._

           Soon Charlotte will once again be at my side and in my arms – in a place where we can be free and happy, for all eternity.


	10. Chapter Ten: Death and Rebirth

_-------------------------_

_In the wake of this relief_

_Shivering, longing for more_

_Insanity at its peak_

_Love me to my death_

_Lost are the days of spring_

_You sighed and let me in_

_Keep the beast inside_

_Shackled within my hide_

_From "The Leper Affinity" by Opeth_

_Lyrics by Mikael Akerfeldt_

_-------------------------_

_Chapter Ten_

_Death and Rebirth_

            Please forgive me if I digress from my narration for a few moments; but there is something that I have wanted to write of for some time now.  Even Charlotte -- who knows me perhaps better than anyone – has no knowledge of what I am about to confide here.  It is not that I have no wish to tell her -- indeed I long to -- and perhaps one day soon I shall; but only when the time is right, when we are far from the madness of this place and can finally be at peace with one another.

            On more than one occasion while recording the events chronicled here, I have stated my own hatred for what I am and all that my cursed existence entails. So the question that begs to be answered is:  If I find myself so loathsome, then why did I become a vampire at all?  The most obvious, and truthful, answer is that I had no say in the matter; and if you would grant me your indulgence for a few moments, I will relate how I came to be as I am.

            Unlike the legends and stories that many are familiar with, simply feeding on a human will not make them a vampire.  Even were I to completely drain a mortal and leave them hovering on the brink of death, without the exchange of blood between the two us, they would become nothing more than a mindless zombie – a creature whose sole purpose is to appease the burning hunger that drives them relentlessly.  These creatures are like us only in that they need blood to survive and that they cannot bare the touch of the sun.  They can also turn the mortals that they feed on into creature like themselves.  Unlike vampires however, they are not immortal and can be killed with most conventional weapons.

            Only the very strong among vampire kind have the power to bring a mortal over and make them one with the night.  The amount of blood needed for the exchange is not very great, but the loss of the power imbued in that blood can be debilitating and possibly even fatal.  The physical and mental strength of the chosen human must also be taken into consideration; for the change itself is exceedingly painful, and the overwhelming frenzy of bloodlust is sometimes enough to drive a newly changed vampire to seek their own death rather than endure the pain of the never-ending hunger.  It is because of my own horrifying experience of that time that I have never exchanged blood with another and made them into one of us.

            Those first few months of my immortal existence were perhaps the hardest and most trying that I have experienced and I would not wish that kind of horror on anyone.  Even now, after all this time, I still feel a physical revulsion at the things that I did during that time of madness – how I reveled and bathed in the blood of humans, how I stalked and tortured them so that I could feed off their pain and suffering.  I am ashamed of the things that I did during that time and I will not disclose them here, for the pain from the memory is too great.  But have no fear, Charlotte will never hear of these things from me -- for they would shock her to the core and I have no doubt that she would indeed despise me and leave me if she were to learn of them.  That part of my life is in the past and it will remain buried there.

            I will say that I never sought immortality; that I never wished to become a vampire -- although apparently there are those that do.  Ignorant fools in my opinion – for they have no idea of what it is that they wish for.  If they only knew of the pain, the loneliness, and the hunger that my kind must endure -- yes, if they only knew what our lives were truly like, I don't believe they would be so eager to embrace the darkness.

            Yet at one time, I was a man -- a mortal man like any other.  A man with dreams and hopes, and yes, even desires -- all of which were taken from me in the dark of the night by a creature out of legend and nightmares. 

            My memories of that time are not as clear as they once were, but I will try as best I can to tell you of my life before.  I was the eldest child of a man of some wealth and power.  My father owned a considerable amount of land and we had a great house on the edge of a lush green forest.  As the eldest son, I had a smaller house of my own on my father's property.  I had not yet taken a wife and so lived alone with just a few servants.  Although I cannot remember much of that time, I like to think that I was happy and content -- my future a bright thing that I looked forward to.  But who could have guessed that one night's carelessness would cost me not only that possible future, but my very life – as I knew it then -- as well.  

            ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            She came to me in the night, the moonlight on her pale skin like molten silver.  Like the proverbial village idiot, I had gone to bed with my windows opened to the cool night air -- there had not been a vampire sighting in our lands for almost a decade; and like so many others, I had become complacent and careless.  

            I was pulled from my slumber by a soft, cool caress on my cheek -- so fleeting was the touch, that at first I mistook it as nothing more than a gentle breeze.  But after a few moments, the touch came again.  As I struggled closer to consciousness, I could hear a voice -- a woman's voice -- that sang to me in a gentle, yet almost seductive way.  As my eyelids fluttered open, I slowly focused on the vision that leaned over my bed and my eyes widened as I beheld such unearthly beauty that I was sure I must still be asleep and dreaming.  Never had I seen any woman -- except for my beloved Charlotte -- that could fire my soul with nothing but her beauty. 

            Her hair was long and dark -- almost black -- and her skin was pale and translucent looking.  The gown she wore was white, but of a fabric so sheer and light that I could clearly see the outline of her body as she stood framed in moonlight – so voluptuous and promising.  But it was her eyes that caught and held me – for they were a dark ruby red, like the wine that had been served with dinner earlier that evening; and there was a fire in their endless depths that commanded me to obey her words and her will.  

            As the woman finished her song, she smiled down at me -- and that was when I knew true fear for the first time in my life.  For although her smile was warm and inviting, the elongated canine teeth told me a completely different story and I heard my own heartbeat as it quickened in fear.  Her dark gaze froze my voice and limbs – she held me in the thrall of her power and I could do nothing to defend myself.

            "Ah, awake at last my sweet," the woman stroked her hand down my cheek once more and leaned closer to me.  "Such a pretty one you are."  She gave me another smile as her hand traveled farther down until she reached the middle of my chest.  "But have you remained true, my sweet one?"  She laughed as her fingers tweaked my nipple through the fabric of my nightshirt.  "As innocent as a babe – how perfect you are."  She laughed again, "But don't worry about that my dear little pet, together you and I will walk down that sacred path; and there we will discover such pleasures that you cannot begin to imagine."   Her hands caressed my chest as a shiver ran down my spine.  

            "Yes . . . I know dear one.  It feels good doesn't it?"  She pinched my other nipple and an involuntary cry sounded in my throat.  "I can make it even better, my sweet.  Would you like me to make it better?"  She bent her head down further and closed her mouth over my tingling bud, her saliva molding the thin fabric of my nightshirt over the hardening crest while a groan escaped from my throat.

            My breath hissed between my teeth as she bit into my tender flesh.  This time however, the groan that I heard came from her. "Ah . . . so sweet and pure -- such a treasure you are."  As she lifted her face from my chest, I could see the crimson that stained her full lips.

            She smiled at me as she licked my blood from her mouth.  "Yes my handsome one, I think you'll do quite nicely."  She laughed again, but there was no warmth in her voice.  I was aware of my body as it trembled in fear, but I was unable to move my limbs or speak.  Pulling the bedclothes down, she climbed up on the bed next to me, her hands stroking across my body.  With a sly smile, she hiked her dress up above her knees and straddled herself across me.  I felt the blood burning in my face as her cold naked flesh settled over me.

            Leaning down, she kissed me -- her tongue pushing its way into my mouth hungrily as her fingers tangled in my hair; and I couldn't breathe as she sucked on my tongue.  As she held my mouth captive, her hands smoothed down my face until she once again reached my chest and where she then set about tearing at my nightshirt while her fingernails raked at my skin.  As the remnants of my tattered nightclothes fell away, she released my mouth and let her tongue trail across my jaw and down my throat.  I could hear her murmuring as she licked and kissed her way down my neck.   How ashamed I felt – for I felt my own painful arousal and I knew that she was aware of it also. 

            I tried to speak, to cry out; but all that came out of my throat was a groan -- a groan of need.  The woman lifted her head and looked into my eyes, "Patience my dear one, patience.  You and I have the rest of the night ahead of us . . . it will be all the sweeter for a little wanting -- a little anticipation."  She laughed again, her voice husky with her own desire.  She once again lowered her mouth to my chest and continued her moist attentions to my sensitive flesh while her hands sought out other, more intimate, targets.

            Tears fell freely from my eyes -- more than once during that long night -- as the woman's lips and hands traveled across my body; as she bit me and then licked and sucked at my welling blood; and as she rode me relentlessly until I could do no more than tremble and cry out in pain instead of pleasure.

            As the twilight slowly gave way to the dawn of a new day, my dark seductress drained away the last vestiges of my mortality and left me lifeless, but not quite dead.  As my vision started to fog, the last thing that my mortal eyes saw was the blood -- the blood that dripped from her wrist as she forced it against my lips.

            "Do you want to die, my pet -- or do you want to live?"  She whispered in my ear.  "I have chosen you my sweet -- you should be flattered."  I felt the wetness of her blood on my lips.  "Drink my sweet one . . . drink and live."

            I slowly parted my lips and stuck out my tongue, lapping at her wrist.  "Yes . . . that's it . . . drink the life, my pet . . . drink . . ."  Her voice was husky and I heard her moan as my mouth fastened on her wrist. I sucked at her dark, bitter blood like a man dying of thirst.

            As her blood trickled down my throat, I felt a burning in my veins -- as if what was left of my own blood was boiling underneath my skin.  I bit down from the pain and heard her cry out as she pulled her bloody wrist away from my mouth.  I groaned and feebly reached towards her, wanting to once again have the taste of her blood on my tongue; but she pushed away from me, pressing her other hand against the bleeding wound in her wrist.   She gave me a cold, almost predatory smile.  "So greedy, my pet . . . yes, I knew you would be the one."

            As I lay there on the bloody sheets of my bed, I felt a coldness creep over my naked flesh and I shuddered from it.  I also became aware of an aching need – a gnawing in my stomach that burned with its own painful fire.  "W-W-What have . . . w-what h-have y-you d-done to m-m-me?"  I barely gasped out, my voice the barest of whispers.

            "I have done you a great honor, my sweet boy -- I have saved you from mortal death."  She laughed, and I trembled at the sound.  "I have chosen you my dear one – chosen you to become one of us, the blessed and the cursed – the children of the night, the nosferatu . . . a vampire."  The cry that rose in my throat at her final words was the last sound I heard before I slipped away into unconsciousness.

            ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            There are many things about my mortal life that I cannot remember -- for it was so long ago.  But that night -- that night I have never been able to forget.  I don't believe that any of my kind ever forgets the last moments of their humanity and their rebirth into the darkness.

            It was many, many years later before I learned just who had taken me that night and changed my life forever.  She called herself Mariah – and she was a princess among vampire kind -- the half-sister of the vampire king himself.  She left me lying in that blood-stained bed cold, naked and ill-used just as the dawn crested over the horizon; and still to this day, I have yet to ever see her again.

            Yet always I have wondered, why me?  Why did she choose me?  From her actions and words, I knew that she had desired me in a physical, carnal sense.  The way that she had used me to satisfy her own burning lust had been more than proof enough of that.  But why did she give me her blood – why did she decide that I was the one that she would give immortality to?

            Once I thought that I would drive myself mad with such questions, but I have since learned that sometimes it is better not to know.  What was done is done and I cannot reverse time and undo it.  Whatever her reasons, I have accepted my fate and tried to make the best that I could of it.  Because of Mariah (and perhaps my own foolishness), I became something that I hated and feared; and yet, if it wasn't for the immortality that she granted me, I never would have met Charlotte and found the love that I thought had been denied me forever.  And so I am torn; were I to ever see the dark and beautiful Mariah again, would I kill her or thank her – truly, I do not know.

            So why have I confided this story here -- within these pages?  I'm not sure myself.  Perhaps because I just needed someone to know that this was not the kind of life that I had wanted -- that I never asked to become a creature of the darkness -- that all the death and horror that I caused in my long existence was not by my own choice.  But still I will take full responsibility for it – I am man enough to do that; and although I was taken against my will, still it was my choice to kill in order to survive.  I won't say that I relished it – but I will openly admit that on occasion I did find a certain pleasure in it.  Hate and despise me if you must, I care not.  I did not want to die and so I did what I had to in order to survive; and I will continue to do so.

            Perhaps I have also related this here because I want someone to know that is not the kind of life that I want for Charlotte either.  I love her too much to condemn her to the kind of fate that had been forced upon me.  Perhaps such knowledge will give her family some peace once we have gone -- to know that I will not take her humanity from her and that I will spare her from the eternal darkness that is my life.  I can only hope so.


	11. Chapter Eleven: Separation and Confront...

_-------------------------_

_I know my dreams are made of you_

_Of you and only for you_

_Your ocean pulls me under_

_Your voice tears me asunder_

_Love me before the last petal falls_

_From "Beauty and the Beast" by Nightwish_

_Lyrics by Tuomas Holopainen_

_--------------------------_

_Chapter Eleven_

_Separation and Confrontation_

            This past month has been, at times, almost more than I could bear.  Not since the earliest days of my immortal existence have I felt such anguish and desperation.   Sometimes I shake from the pain of my longing, so much so that I cry out into the night like a wounded animal.  But soon -- soon all of my suffering will come to end, and my love will once again be where she rightfully belongs -- by my side and in my arms. 

            It seems so long since that fateful night when Charlotte's brother discovered us in her garden.  My blood still burns with the hatred that I felt for Alan Elbourne at that moment.  His words to me were cruel; but what else could I have expected?  Like most humans, his hatred for vampires runs deep.  But it was the awful things that he said to Charlotte -- to his own sister -- that made me want to rip his throat out.  I can still see my beloved's face -- all the hurt and sadness -- when her brother called her a whore.   Even now, I still clench my fists in anger as I remember the pain in Charlotte's dark eyes as her brother berated her and looked at her like she was some filthy thing not fit to be touched.  Although I made a vow to Charlotte that I would never hurt her brother, still I will find some way to make him suffer for what he has done to her.  Alan Elbourne will pay for his outrage and arrogance -- I swear it on my immortal soul!

            Yet as hard as these weeks have been, there is one thing that has given me hope -- one thing that has convinced me not to give up.  For I have found a place for us -- and someone who has offered to help us get there.  Yes -- it is true!  Finally, after all my searching and hoping, I have found the haven that I promised Charlotte.  Even now the final plans are being made and it will only be a short matter of time before my love and I can be together, safe from the ugliness and prejudice of this world -- free to love and cherish one another as we were destined to.

            ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            Despite Alan Elbourne's warning, I did return to their house several times in an attempt to see Charlotte.  My main objective was, of course, to make sure that she was alright and that her wretched brother had done nothing to harm her.  But as much as I wanted to touch her and speak with her, I was just as content with a glimpse of her through the window. 

            How Charlotte's face haunts me -- her luminous amber eyes,  her sweet mouth, the curve of her jaw . . . how it haunts me as I rest during the day or brood away the night.  To think that I might never see her face-to-face again . . . no -- no I will not allow myself to even consider such a thing -- I would willingly embrace the dawn than allow such a poisonous thought to take root in my mind.  Charlotte and I will be together -- in that sanctuary that I have found for us -- I must believe that or else all is lost.

            I began to leave small tokens for Charlotte on the sill of her bedroom window:  a single peach-colored rose, a lily from her garden, one of the ribbons that I used to tie back my hair -- anything that I thought would show her that I had not abandoned her and that I still loved her.  It was only after the final arrangements for our travel had been made and accepted, did I attempt to actually communicate with her.

            -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            I had spent the better part of the night working on the letter that I planned to leave for Charlotte.  In it I told her of my quest to find a place for us -- free from the prejudice and hate that surrounded us, where we could be free to love each other.  I told her of the response that I had received and the offer of help, and the arrangements that I had undertaken for our travel.  But more importantly, I wanted to reassure her of my love and devotion -- that although we were separated in body, our souls and hearts were still joined for all eternity.  I wrote several versions of that letter, and it was only a few hours until daybreak before I was satisfied enough to fold up the cream-colored pages and seal them with wax.

            Tucking the letter inside my coat, I hurriedly made my way to the Elbourne house.

            Breathing deeply, I drank in the night.  For the first time in so long, I felt such elation in my heart that I thought had been lost forever.  When everything had looked bleakest -- when I thought perhaps that I had lost Charlotte completely -- I once again knew hope.   An unknown hand, offered in friendship, had once again given me hope for a future with Charlotte -- a future of love and passion in a haven just for the two of us.

            I crouched in the darkness, my eyes fastened on Charlotte's bedroom window.  Although it was late, there was a faint glow of candlelight through the panes.  Was my love awake?  Could she even then be waiting at the window for me?  No -- my keen vision could see nothing through the sheer panels that covered the window.  Perhaps Charlotte had left the candle burning for me -- I seemed to recall some old custom about a candle in the window, but the memory was too vague.  Whatever the cause of the light, dawn was approaching and I was running out of time.

            If you have never seen it for yourself, the power of a vampire is something to behold.   The strength, the speed, the power to control human minds and the ability to alter our forms -- all of this and more, do we receive in exchange for the end of our mortal lives.  These powers allowed me to exist in a world that hated me and wanted nothing more than to see me and my kind dead -- they were my protection and sometimes, even my curse.  But soon they would be a blessing, for they would help me take Charlotte away from here, to a place where we could be together at last.

            With my enhanced abilities, I easily scaled the outside of Charlotte's house until I was at her window.  Reaching into my coat, I took out the letter and looked down at it – my love's name written across the front in my old-fashioned, yet elegant hand.   As I placed the letter on the windowsill, I suddenly realized how exposed it was – how the wind could blow it away or what if it rained before Charlotte found it?  All of my hopes and dreams for a future with my beloved rested in those fragile pages and they were just too important to leave sitting on the sill.

            As I thought about how I might secure the letter, I remembered the few nights that I had spent in Charlotte's bedroom with her.  Once or twice I had opened her windows to the night air before we made love.  If I recalled correctly, the lock on her window was not complicated; perhaps I could use my will to open it.  Focusing my attention, I intently looked at the window and visualized the lock turning and the panes opening.  It did not take much effort and after a few moments, I was rewarded when the glass parted before me and without a second thought I lightly jumped down to the floor of Charlotte's bedroom.

            My gaze immediately went to the bed -- but much to my surprise and dismay, it was empty.  In fact the whole room seemed to have an abandoned feel to it.  As my gaze traveled around the room, I saw that several things -- pictures, the small carriage clock that had sat on the table by the bed, even Charlotte's hairbrushes and combs -- were missing.  On impulse, I opened the doors of the large oak wardrobe against the wall only to find that it was empty.   Moving to the chest of drawers on the other side of Charlotte's bed, I opened several drawers -- but again, they were empty except for a few small items that had been easy to miss.  My anxiety began to rise as I once again looked around the room.  Where was Charlotte -- what had her cursed brother done with her?

            As my thoughts swirled around in my head, my eyes fell on the candle burning on the vanity table near the window.  Why -- why would there be a candle lit in an empty room?  Had Charlotte left it for me -- as a sign of some kind?  Clenching the letter in my fist, I moved and sat down on the bed.  What about the tokens that I had left for her -- had she even received them?  What if she were not even there?  What if her wretched brother had taken her away?  A low growl escaped from my throat at that thought.  No -- please not that . . . I would beg on my knees to the gods themselves not to let that be.  Charlotte had to be there -- the candle was proof of that.

            She had to be there -- in another room perhaps.  No doubt Alan had thought that I might try to come for her and so he had made her change rooms.  Yes, so simple – there was no need for me to be alarmed; I just had to find out which room it was.  I knew that I would have to hurry, for although there was no clock from which to tell the time, I could feel the dawn approaching and I had perhaps an hour before I would have to leave and seek shelter.  Rising from the bed, I had just turned back towards the window when the bedroom door opened.

            I quickly spun around; "Char . . ." The words died in my throat as my eyes fell on the figure framed in the doorway.

            "I warned you not to come back here – but I knew you wouldn't listen."  Alan Elbourne regarded me with a cold, hateful look.  "I won't let you have Charlotte . . . despite what you've done to her -- what she allowed you to do to her -- she's still my sister and I won't let you have her."  He moved a little further into the room.  "Coming here was the stupidest thing you could have done, Link."

            Although Alan held no visible weapons in his hands, I had no doubts that he was armed -- armed and ready to strike me down given the opportunity.  But if he thought to scare me -- to make me cower -- he was gravely mistaken.  For it was not fear that welled in me, it was hate -- hate and anger.  The hate that had burned in me since that night he had discovered Charlotte and I together.  The hate at what he had said and done to the sister that he now purported to protect from me.  The arrogance of the man -- as if I had anything to fear from him.

            "Brave words for a fool," I spat out at him.  "Where is she -- where is Charlotte?  What have you done with her?"

            "My sister is no longer any concern of yours -- do you hear me?  Charlotte is somewhere safe -- safe from monsters like you."  Alan's hand slipped around his back and just as I knew he would, he pulled out a pistol and aimed it at me.  "I'm going to make sure you can't get your filthy claws back into her -- or anyone else for that matter."

            I wanted to laugh at him, but instead I gave him a slow smile.  "Your paltry little gun cannot kill me."

            "No, but I'm sure I can hurt you pretty good-- the bullets are pure silver, dipped in holy water.  After that, well it's only a small matter of finding your filthy little crypt and finishing you off for good."

            Crypt -- was the man an idiot?  Apparently Charlotte's brother did not know that much about my kind -- his knowledge seemed to be based on old legends and wives' tales.  I did not lair in a crypt, for I had a house -- a secret to everyone by my servants and I -- that served as my residence and sanctuary.  For all that I am named a monster I still enjoyed the mortal comforts of a chair in front of a blazing fire, to bath in hot water, and to read at my leisure.  I was more civilized than many humans who thought themselves far above me.  I did however possess a casket that I rested in during the day – for it was more secure than any locked door or shuttered window.  But there were times when I longed for the enjoyment of a nice comfortable bed and did occasionally sleep the day away in an opulent bedchamber. 

            I will admit that he was correct in one thing however, the bullets would injure me -- and the holy water would make it just that much worse.  True, he probably could not kill me, but he would be able to weaken me considerably so that I would be easy prey for a hunter.  Damn him -- I had to get out of there.  I felt the dawn getting closer and knew that I was almost out of time.

            The chance to give Charlotte my letter had been lost, but there was still one thing that I had to know before I departed.  "What have you done with Charlotte?  Is she alright?  Please, I will beg you if I must . . . just tell me that she is alright."  My voice pleaded with him.

            Alan seemed genuinely startled by the abrupt change in the conversation and in my manner -- so much so, that he actually answered my question.  "She's alright . . . but she cries a lot -- like when our mother passed away."  The coldness returned to his eyes, "She cries over you -- how she loves you!  Why?  Why couldn't you have left her alone?  Why did you have to pick her?"  Alan's voice broke and for the first time I glimpsed the vulnerable man that he tried to hide behind his arrogant exterior.

            For some reason that I still cannot explain, at that moment I felt a strange kinship with Alan Elbourne.  Perhaps it was our mutual love and concern for Charlotte that brought it about, I don't know -- it is still very puzzling to me.

            "I love your sister, Mr. Elbourne.  I know you don't believe it -- but it is true.  Charlotte is like the sun to me -- she is warmth and beauty, all the things that I can never have . . ."

            "Don't -- don't say it . . . I don't want to hear this . . ."

            "Why?  Is it so hard for you to believe that your sister could love someone like me?  You know Charlotte -- you know how gentle and giving she is -- how she sees with her heart.  She looked past what I am to see who I was.  Even I still don't believe that she could love me -- sometimes I think it is all a dream.  I love Charlotte -- with everything that I am.  I would never hurt her . . ."

            "Liar!"  Alan yelled as he waved the pistol at me.  "You've hurt her just by knowing her.  You've changed her -- ruined her.  You forced yourself on her and ruined her . . . and what was next, huh?  Were you going to turn her into a monster like you?  I'll kill her myself before I let you do that to her.  I won't let my sister be your vampire whore . . ."

            A growl escaped from my throat and I took a step in his direction, "Don't you dare -- don't you dare call her that!"  My anger radiated out into the room and I saw Alan take a step back.  "You would say such a thing about your own sister?  You don't deserve to be called her brother -- a brother would never do to a sister what you have done to Charlotte."

            Alan's eyes narrowed, "What would you know about being a brother – about family?" he spat out at me.

            "I know that Charlotte loves you – you and your father.  I don't think you know how difficult it was for her when your father was taken ill – how burdened her shoulders were.  This has all been so hard for her – how torn she is -- she loves her family and she loves me too . . ."

            "My sister doesn't love you!  Stop saying that!  You've bewitched her – made her think that she's in love with you."

            "You don't really believe that, Mr. Elbourne.  That's why you hate me so much – because you know that Charlotte really does love me, just as much as I love her."

            "You can't love her – you're a monster, a thing without a heart!  You don't know what love is!"

            "Perhaps I didn't always know what love was, but Charlotte showed me – she taught me what it meant to love someone . . ."

            "I don't want to hear anymore of your filthy lies!"  Alan straightened his arm and trained the pistol back at me.  "I'm going to kill you – I won't let you have my sister!"

            "Alan – NO!"  Charlotte stood in the doorway behind her brother, her eyes wide with fear.  As Alan turned to face her, she brushed passed him and hurried to the middle of the room so that she stood between the two of us.  

            "Charlotte get out of here, now -- go back to your room."  Alan's tone was harsh and I saw the anger in his face.

            "I won't let you hurt Meier . . ."

            "Damn it Charlotte – why won't you listen to me?  You don't know what you're saying – he's a monster – he put a spell on you . . . why can't you wake up and see that?"

            "Stop it Alan – stop it!  I love Meier . . . he's done nothing to hurt me.  Please believe me . . ." As she spoke, Charlotte slowly stepped backwards until she was only inches away from me – I could have reached out my hand touched her; and oh, how I wanted to do just that.  It took every ounce of will that I possessed not to take her up in my arms and carry her away.  It had been so long since I had held her in the circle of my embrace and kissed her – so long since I had touched her and been touched by her.  My very soul seemed to cry out and I felt a deep ache in my chest – Charlotte, my sweet beautiful love, was so close and yet still so far away.

            As if sensing my thoughts, Charlotte reached back and gently touched my hand.  Her touch sent a jolt through my body and I bit down the groan that threatened to escape from my throat.  Thinking quickly, I pressed my letter into her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.  

            "Charlotte," I said softly to her; "I do not have much time my love . . . I wanted to see you – to see that you were alright."  My eyes still on Alan Elbourne, I moved a little closer, whispering in her ear.  "Have hope, my love – we will be together soon.  Our sanctuary has been found."  I squeezed her hand once more and stepped back.

            Alan's eyes bore into me, no doubt wondering what I had whispered to his sister.  As I moved back from Charlotte, he once again trained his pistol on me.  "Don't move another step – I'm warning you."

            Charlotte put her hand out towards her brother.  "No Alan – let him go . . . please, for my sake, let him go."  She turned to look at me and I could see the wetness of tears in her beautiful eyes.  "You have to go Meier – it's almost dawn."

            I looked at her, my feelings torn – the pale light of dawn was slowing pushing back the twilight and soon I would be trapped if I did not leave.  Yet how could I leave Charlotte behind?  How could I leave my love to the mercy of her brother?  If only I had more time I would take her with me -- Alan Elbourne be hanged!  But I had no way to transport Charlotte to my residence and I could not take her with me in the mode that I needed to travel to reach safety before the dawn broke.

            Damn the world – why was it so against us?  What did Charlotte and I ever do to deserve such heartache and disappointment?  Was it because we dared to defy the dictates of what was acceptable – because we dared to love one another?  

            "Charlotte . . .," my voice sounded hoarse.  

            "Please my love, you must go – I'll be alright."  Her voice pleaded with me.  Charlotte quickly looked in her brother's direction, but Alan had dropped the gun to his side and stood glaring at me as if his very stare could strike me down.

             I quickly went back to the open window.  As I stood on the ledge, I turned and looked at my love one last time before departing.  "I will come back for you."  

            I watched her swallow back her tears and there was such sadness on her face and in her voice that it made me want to weep.  "I love you."  Charlotte gave me a small, sad smile.  

            "Just as I love you Charlotte Elbourne – never forget that.  You are my heart and soul."  Giving her brother one last dark look, I stepped off the ledge and was soon gliding through the pre-dawn; my heart aching and my anger barely contained. 

            ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            As I made my way home, I knew that the time had finally come.  Charlotte and I had to leave – and soon – for Alan would no longer allow himself to be put off by his sister's pleas; I had seen the truth in his eyes.  The next time that we encountered one another, one of us would die.  Yet I had given Charlotte my pledge, and I would not break my word to her; but I was not ready for it to be me.

            I settled back against the cool satin lining of my casket and closed my eyes.  I pictured Charlotte in my mind's eye – not sad and teary-eyed as I had seen her just a short time ago; but shy and smiling as she had been that first night that we had made love.  As sleep started to fall over me, I once again replayed that sweet and magical night in my mind; and I silently pledged to myself that I would do everything in my power to make the rest of our nights together just as beautiful.


	12. Chapter Twelve: Tears and New Beginning...

_-------------------------_

_Still I plotted to have her back_

_The contentment that would fill the crack_

_My soul released a fluttering sigh_

_This day fell, the darkness nigh_

_I took her by the hand to say_

_All faith forever has been led astray_

_I returned for you in great dismay_

_Come with me far away to stay_

_From "Face of Melinda" by Opeth_

_Lyrics by Mikael Akerfeldt_

_-------------------------_

_Chapter Twelve_

_Tears and New Beginnings_

            There are times when I wish that I had never laid my eyes on the sweet and intoxicating beauty of Charlotte Elbourne all those long months ago.  Yes, I know how truly awful that sounds – and I despise myself for it – but the agony that I have experienced over the past month has been more than any creature should have to bear.

            If I had ever thought that falling in love could leave me in such a wretched and pitiful state, then I would never have allowed such a thing to happen.  I would have sealed myself away and starved until I became dust, rather than endure the loneliness and painful separation that eats away at my very soul.  But even in the darkest nights of my despair, there is still a flicker of hope that burns, as if to push back the cold seeds of doubt and despondency that threaten to take root in my heart.  The hope that Charlotte and I will soon be gone from this hateful little town and on to a new place – a place where we can love each other freely and openly – without the threat of persecution or death; and I cling to that hope like a drowning man clings to a floating log.  It is my belief in that future that keeps me from giving up completely and returning to that cold lifeless world that I existed in before I met Charlotte, and found what others of my kind could only dream of.

            As long as some shred of hope remains – no matter how small – I will never give up; I will have Charlotte by my side as both my soul mate and my heart mate.  Destiny has ordained it; and so it must be.

            ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            I have not seen Charlotte since the night that I entered her bedroom and was confronted by her brother, Alan.  Although I managed to give her the letter that I had painstakingly written, I had yet to receive a response to my plan.  Of course I could not receive a written reply, but I had asked Charlotte to leave me a token – a specific sign that she was willing to come away with me.  It has been over a week and although I return nightly looking for her answer, there has been nothing.

            Although I try not to, I have begun to find myself doubting Charlotte's love.  If she loved me as much as she has said, then why has she not answered me -- why have I been kept waiting?  Why has she not yet given her consent to go away with me?  Perhaps I have been mistaken in her affections, and that her feelings were nothing deeper than to seek me out for a short dalliance and nothing more.  But no, I cannot believe that so gentle a heart as Charlottes' could be so full of guile.  She willingly gave me her love – and her body; and if I were to ask it of her, I have no doubt that she would offer up her blood to me as well.  If that is not love, then what is?  So why do I feel this emptiness in my heart – in the place where once the warmth of her love radiated within me?  I cannot allow these doubts to linger, for they only distress me more.  I refuse to believe that Charlotte does not love me, but I cannot help wondering what has happened to make her leave me hanging in such a state.__

            Perhaps there is something preventing her from answering – mayhap her brother keeps her under lock and key so that she is unable to leave the token that I have requested; or perhaps the wretched man has spirited her away . . . if only I could see her to know the truth.  Her eyes would tell me – for those deep amber pools always reflected Charlotte's emotions and inner most thoughts.  I would need only to look into her eyes to know her intentions – but of course that has been impossible.

            Or could it be that Charlotte's love for her family is stronger than her love for me?  Perhaps that is what is preventing her from accepting my proposal.  I know how devoted she is to her father; and with his failing health, she may be reluctant to leave him.  I could understand that – not that I want to accept it – but I could understand it.  Although I don't believe that I could continue to endure this pain and longing until her father's death; and after that, when she may be grief stricken and sad with his passing, would she then consent to leave with me?  Or would I have to wait even longer for her to mourn him before she turned her heart back to me once again?

            Oh, how all these questions and thoughts hurt my head!  Why must everything be so difficult?  Why must the two of us be made to endure such pain and hardship?  How can humans write odes and songs on the beauty and wonder of love without also recognizing it's darker and more painful side?  Do they believe that it does not exist – or are they just deluding themselves to make the bearing of it easier?  Though I may live for ten thousand more years, I will never understand all the many facets of this troublesome and wonderful emotion called love – indeed, I don't believe that anyone ever will.

            -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            Standing on the shadowed street corner in front of the Elbourne house, I steeled myself before I once again went in search of Charlotte's answer to my proposal.  So many nights have I been disappointed and I had no hope that tonight would not be the same.  Looking up at the sky, I was glad that it was cloudy and overcast – the moon hidden from view.  Once the soft pearly glow of that distant orb would have soothed and comforted me, but now it only reminded me of the gulf that separated Charlotte and I – like the separation of the day and the night.  

            Slipping into the shadows, I slowly circled the house – my gaze lingering on the windows as I passed, looking for the sign that I hoped would be left for me.  As I made my circuit, I could feel a cold depression settle into my heart; for once again it appeared that I would receive no answer to my letter.  Clenching my fists in anger, I wanted nothing more than to smash them through the glass panes that separated me from my beloved as I shouted out her name.  Then I would gather Charlotte up in my arms, and the two of us would disappear into the night – free from shackles of prejudice and hatred that tried to bind us.

            As I passed by the small kitchen window, my eyes alighted on pale object fluttering on the sill.  Quickly turning around, I rushed to the window; afraid that I had been mistaken.  But when I saw the small square of white linen, held tightly under the window sash, it was all I could do not to shout aloud and dance for joy.  For there was my sign from Charlotte that she was willing to come away and begin a new life at my side.

            Reaching for the handkerchief, I pulled it from the sash leaving a small piece trapped underneath.  Examining it more closely, I smiled as I saw the embroidered monogram and knew indeed that it was mine.  I had given it to Charlotte one night as we were walking in her garden; she had contracted a small cold and although I knew she was not feeling well, she had insisted on coming out to meet me.  As we walked, she had started sneezing in the cool air and I had taken the handkerchief from my coat pocket and given it to her.

            Why would a vampire have need of a handkerchief you might ask?  Not for the purpose for which it was intended, of course.  I do not wish to offend or shock you, but I used it to wipe my mouth and hands of blood after I finished feeding.  I will admit that I am somewhat vain; and am notorious for maintaining an immaculate and stylish appearance.  But such is the way amongst my kind – we are all a little vain and like to attire ourselves to impress those that we believe to be less than ourselves – mainly humans.  It was not as if I could not afford to – indeed John Elbourne's vast fortune was a pittance compared to the funds at my disposal.  For other than the upkeep of my hidden residence and payments to my servants, I had nothing else to spend my money on; so I chose to spend it rather lavishly on myself.  But once Charlotte and I were away together, I would make sure that she was never in want of anything – she would be attired in the finest silks and linens, her ears and neck adorned with gold and glittering jewels and her every comfort taken care of.

            As I gripped the pale linen in my hand, I was almost certain that I could smell Charlotte's perfume wafting up from it.  Raising the handkerchief to my nose, I closed my eyes as that soft, alluring scent reached me.  In my mind's eye, I could see my love standing before me, dressed in that soft green gown she had been wearing the night that we first met; her arms outstretched, beckoning me.  There was a smile on her soft, rose-tinted lips and such love in her eyes that I bit my lip in frustration as I felt my desire start to grow.

            Oh, how I wanted Charlotte – how I wanted her in my arms once again as we joined ourselves together as one.  It had been so long since the two of us had made love; and more than once I had awakened from my daylight slumber to find that my dreams of her had been so real and vivid that I had shamefully responded to them.  Such was my state of longing that once, while feeding, I had allowed my baser physical needs to take over and so had made use of my victim's body even as I drained away her blood.  I was so ashamed afterwards that I felt physically repulsed by the act and pledged that I would beg Charlotte's forgiveness for my betrayal as soon as she was again by my side.

            As I clutched that small piece of cloth to my chest, my heart was flooded with such relief and hope that I almost broke down.  Indeed I stood there and gripped the window frame for support as I found myself gasping for breath.  How could I have ever doubted Charlotte?  How could I have ever questioned her love for me?  I was so overwhelmed, that for the first time since the night that I had left my humanity behind, I felt the wetness of tears on my face.  Raising my hands to my eyes, I marveled at the cold drops that glistened on my fingertips.

            Tears . . . there are some tales that say that vampires cannot shed tears; and still others that say the opposite, but that the tears we cry are tears of blood.  Both versions were wrong of course, as I was proving right at that moment.  The tears that fell from my eyes were just as real and as clear as those shed by any human.  The only difference being that while mortal tears tended to be warm to the touch, a vampire's tears were cold – like the touch of ice over a frozen pond; for like our bodies, our tears hold no warmth.  But that did not mean that they were of any less consequence or that our emotions were not just as true and deep; indeed we tend to feel emotions at a much deeper level than humans and so our mental pains can be ten times worse than that of any mortal.  Yet at that moment, I was so overcome with happiness that I have no doubt that any mere human heart would have long ago burst from the sheer power of it.

             So there I stood, in the shadow of Charlotte's house; and wept with joy while the clouds in the sky slowly parted to let the stars shine down on my pale bent head.

            -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            Safely ensconced inside my coach, I opened my mind and let my will control the carriage horses as they lumbered through the dark night.  Using every bit of power that I possessed, I guided the beasts through the heart of the town towards Charlotte's house.  So great was the influence of my power that it caused frost to touch upon the air; withering plants and trees that had been, until my passing, healthy and green.  The coldness that followed in my wake also caused the fountain in the town square to freeze as if it were the dead of winter instead of the beginning of summer.  Beasts crouched and howled in the darkness and all throughout that sleepy little hamlet, restless and haunting dreams filled the minds of many of its slumbering populace.

            Never before had I used my power to its fullest advantage, and it's effects both astonished and frightened me.  I had never been one to flaunt my power and until that night, I had no idea of just how great it was.  I now had no doubt that were I ever to engage another of my kind in a battle, my opponent would find himself hard pressed to overcome me.  Feeling somewhat satisfied and comforted by that thought, I smiled to myself; because I knew that once Charlotte's family discovered her gone, they would spare no man or expense to retrieve her and I would need every drop of power at my disposal to make sure that they did not succeed.

            As the carriage rounded the corner to the street that led to the Elbourne house, I commanded the horses to slow to a gentle walk; for I did not want to risk drawing any unwanted attention to my presence.  As the carriage stopped in front of the house, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath – steeling myself for what was to come next.  Because of the circumstances of our separation, I had been unable to leave Charlotte some word as to when I would come for her, so she had no idea of when to expect me.  Only a few days had passed since I had found her token of agreement; and during that time, I double-checked that everything had been arranged for our travel and that our new benefactor had been contacted to expect our arrival.  My coming would be a complete surprise to Charlotte and I didn't wish to upset or frighten her with my sudden appearance.

            As I stepped from the carriage, I felt a chill creep over me – from what I could not say; and I felt a bit unnerved by it.  I narrowed my eyes and let them gaze around the immediate area, but I sensed nothing.  But just as suddenly, for some unknown reason, I recalled part of an old saying, ". . . like someone had just stepped on my grave" and I shuddered at the thought.  After one more scan of the street, I pulled my cloak around my tall frame and started towards Charlotte's house.

            After finding Charlotte's answer, I had then set about locating the room that her brother had moved her to; and I was not altogether surprised to find that her new bedroom was located right next to Alan's.  Taking Charlotte away from there would be risky, especially if Alan were awakened before we had a chance to escape; so we would have to be doubly careful and it would take a great amount of my power to mask our departure.

            Gathering my power once more, I ascended to the window of Charlotte's bedroom.  I could sense her on the other side of the glass and it was all I could do not to smash open those fragile panes and snatch her up in my embrace; but that indeed would bring not only her brother down on us, but most of town as well.  So with an outwardly calm demeanor, I held my hand out before the window and focused my will on the lock.  As I focused myself on the task, in my mind's eye I could see the latch within as it slowly turned.  As the lock finally yielded to my will, the panes of glass parted before me and with a rush of wind, I stepped into the room.

            Once again, such was the influence of my power that the flowers that adorned Charlotte's room withered in the frost-tinged air that followed in my wake and the glass of her vanity table cracked as I passed by – casting no reflection on its silvered surface.  But just as I reached the side of Charlotte's bed, she suddenly sat up and I could see the fear in her wide dark eyes as she put her hand up to her mouth.

            Never before had Charlotte witnessed the awe-inspiring powers at my command; and to see me thus, I could not condemn her for her fear and dismay.  With a small cry in her throat, I watched her eyes fall back as she fainted.  I quickly had my arms around her unconscious frame before her head once again returned to the pillow; and gathering her to me, I brushed her forehead with a gentle kiss and carried her back to the window.

            The night was silent as I settled Charlotte in the seat of my coach and draped my cloak across her.  Once I was sure that she was comfortable, I sent out my command to the horses to move and we were soon weaving our way through the dark and silent streets of the town – on our way to safety and freedom.

            ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            It has been but a day since Charlotte and I made our escape and just as I predicted, we were promptly pursued.  Alan Elbourne himself, led a party of men after us within a few hours after the dawn of our departure.  Knowing that we would more than likely be followed, I had made previous plans with my servants to deal with the rescue party and to aid in our escape.

            Although I did not see the entire skirmish, I was later informed that it had been brutal and that out of the fifty or so men that had pursued us, only a small handful of them had escaped death – including Alan Elbourne.  I had given specific instructions that the younger Mr. Elbourne was not to be killed and although he had been injured, it was not a life-threatening wound; and so I had managed to keep my pledge for her brother's safety to Charlotte.

            Yet also at the same time, I managed to exact a small amount of revenge on him for all of the hurtful things that he had said and done to Charlotte – for a great many of his friends and associates were dead; and although it was not my hand that wielded the weapons that killed them, it had been at my command.  I also gleaned some small matter of satisfaction knowing that among those slain was a man by the name of Jack Turner, the man that Alan had hoped to wed his sister to.  Think me a cold-hearted bastard if you must – and perhaps in some respect you may be right – but in my mind, Alan Elbourne deserved all he had gotten, and more.

            Despite the defeat he had suffered and his injuries, Charlotte's brother still proved to be a bit more difficult that I had anticipated.  Within hours after his return home, he had hired a group of vampire hunters – called the Markus family – to track us down.  Although I was not overly familiar with this particular group of hunters, they carried a fearsome reputation and were known never to relinquish a hunt once it was started.  But I was not overly concerned, for I had made arrangements, through my Barbarois servant, to see that the Markus family would be of little trouble to us as we continued our journey.  

            As we made our way towards the home of our soon-to-be benefactor, I told Charlotte of the beautiful place that was awaiting us at the end of our journey – the legendary City of the Night -- once said to have been the home of the first vampires; a land of dark majesty where we could be free and at peace to live our lives as man and woman.  I saw that Charlotte was at first a little frightened and perhaps even a bit skeptical, but I think that my enthusiasm and belief slowly started to win her over, and soon she became just as eager as I for us to reach it.

            As I kissed Charlotte and held her in the circle of my arms, I began to think of what our future would be like once we reached our destination.  I recalled Charlotte's questions regarding our ability to have children and found that I was not as repulsed by the idea as I had been before.  I knew that Charlotte had grown up in a very loving family, so it was only natural that she would wish to have that kind of life; and why could she not?  Once we arrived in the City of the Night, we would no longer be bound by the dictates of this stifling society – we would be free to live and love without fear or persecution; free to live as a family if we chose to do so.

            I almost smiled at the thought of Charlotte holding a babe in her lithe arms – her eyes bright and shining with happiness, her heart near to bursting with love.  If that was what my beloved truly wanted, then how could I deny her?  I pledged to myself that I would do everything in my power to make Charlotte's wish possible; although I knew that such births were rare.  Still, the trying would be more than worth it.

            I had so many plans for our new life together; and in a few short days, I would be able to make them all come to fruition. 


	13. Chapter Thirteen: Peril and Pursuit

_-------------------------_

_Come into this night_

_Here we'll be gone_

_So far away_

_From our weak and crumbling lives_

_Come into this night_

_When days are done_

_Lost and astray_

_In what's vanished from your eyes_

_From "Benighted" by Opeth_

_Lyrics by Mikael Akerfeldt_

_-------------------------_

_Chapter Thirteen_

_Peril and Pursuit_

            __

            Our journey to freedom has been fraught with peril and upset; and all of my plans and hopes have been seemingly dashed to the ground by the relentless pursuit of the hunters that trailed after us.  Yet as clever as Charlotte's brother thought himself to be, I also had made contingency plans in the event that our journey became something less then easy.  Using my Barbarois servant as a contact, I had made arrangements to hire several of the warrior mutants to act as bodyguards and protectors for the remainder of our journey.  Once the Barbarois were with us, the odds would definitely shift in our favor and I once again felt my optimism returning.  With such fierce and dedicated warriors standing with us, Charlotte and I were sure to reach our destination – Castle Chaythe, the home of our new benefactor -- a vampire named Carmilla -- quickly and safely.

            One thing that I did not fathom into my plans however, was my growing hunger.  I had no illusions that Charlotte did not understand what I was, or that she did not know what I required in order to live; and although we never openly discussed it, I am sure that she was well aware of the things that I did in order to survive.  I always despaired of her finding me in the throes of bloodlust as I fed on the lifeblood of another human.  My greatest fear was seeing the horror and revulsion reflected in her beautiful eyes as she looked upon my blood-smeared mouth and hands.  No doubt her disgust would be so great that she would condemn me as some filthy savage monster and run screaming into the night.  Just the thought of such a thing happening was enough to make my heart clench in fear and sweat to break out on my brow; and I would do anything – anything to keep that from happening.  Unfortunately, it was not too long after we set out that I found out just how hard such a thing would be.

            -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            As I have said before, until the night that I took Charlotte away, I had never really used all of my powers to their fullest advantage; and there are several reasons for this.  First is that I never really believed that the power I possessed was so strong; second is that I never had any need to test that belief before; and the third -- which I also discovered that night -- was that using it to such a degree drained my strength so thoroughly, that even though I had fed only hours before, I was so weakened by my efforts that I was in dire need of replenishment; and that is where my dilemma came in.

            I had always tried to shield Charlotte from the darker side of my nature – from the things that I knew would cause her distress and perhaps even disgust.  I made sure before I visited her that I had fed and that there was nothing in my appearance to lead her to believe that I had only hours before, drained away the life of a mortal just like her.  Other than my love and devotion, that was the one thing that I had to give her – a chance to live without the guilt of uncountable deaths, deaths that were necessary so that I might continue living and being with her.

            But as we traveled away from the town, I felt a deep fatigue settle over me.  I knew that I would have to feed before the night ended and then find my rest; or else I would become too weakened to be of any use should we come under attack by the pursuing hunters, or any other creatures of the night that might sense my debilitated state and seek to exploit it.

            As I looked at Charlotte's face, I could see my reflection in her dark amber eyes and saw that the strain I was under was plainly etched upon my pale features.  "Meier, are you alright?"  Charlotte asked me as she clutched my hand.  "You're trembling . . . "

            I raised her hand to my lips and kissed it, "It's only a minor fatigue, my love.  I just need to rest and I will be quite well."

            "Is there something I can do for you?" She asked as she trailed the fingers of her other hand down my cheek.  I shook my head, unable to tell her of what I really needed.  Charlotte looked at me for a few moments, almost as if she knew that I was holding something back from her.  Still holding my hand, she then laid her head against my chest and I put my other arm around her.

            As I held her tightly, I became aware of Charlotte's heartbeat and I could sense the rush of the blood in her veins.  Involuntarily my nostrils flared as I drank in the scent of that scarlet heaven that pulsed just beneath her skin.  I could feel the hunger beginning to reach out towards the source of that sweet and intoxicating nectar and it took a great deal of my remaining strength to rein that dark beast back in and hold it at bay.  I was trembling yet again and my breathing became labored.

            Feeling the change in my body, Charlotte pulled away and looked up at me.  "Meier, tell me what is wrong.  Are you ill?"  She shook her head, "No, vampires can't be ill, can they?  But I know that you're not well in any case . . . please, tell me what I can do to help you."

            How could I tell her?  How could I tell Charlotte that I needed to feed, that I needed to kill – and soon, in order to recover?  So great was my shame that I could not meet her eyes and I looked away from her.  After all we had been through -- only to have my beloved become repulsed and then reject me was not something that I even wanted to contemplate, but the thought would not leave my head.  I did not think that I could go on if she left me and yet if I did not feed and recover my strength, I would be lost to her in any case.

            Charlotte gently touched the side of my face and I slowly turned towards her.  I heard her breath catch in her throat at whatever it was that she saw in my wine-dark eyes, and I wanted to weep at the sadness that I saw in her face.  She cupped my cheek with her hand, "Meier . . . my love, whatever it is we will face it together – I love you and I will stand with you, no matter what."

            I put my hand over hers and looked deeply into her eyes, seeing the truth of her words burning brightly.  Turning my face into her palm, I kissed it and then held her small slender hand in both of mine.  "Charlotte, my precious . . . " I trailed off, still unwilling to confess my problem to her.  The two of us sat like that for a short time in silence, the only sounds to be heard were the muffled pounding of hooves and the creaking of my carriage as it sped through the night.

            After several minutes however, I began to sense the presence of other humans just ahead of us.  Opening my senses even further, I was surprised to find that there was a small village not too far away and with a bit more speed it would be possible for us to reach it well before daybreak.  I began to feel somewhat relieved – for there was the answer to my situation, so easy and so faceless.  All I needed was to persuade Charlotte to remain in the carriage while I quickly sated my hunger and renewed my strength, and then we would once again be on our way and reach the daylight sanctuary that was waiting for us -- where I could rest and continue my recovery.

            --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            With Charlotte wrapped contently in my embrace, we settled ourselves down to sleep in the resting house that had been prepared for us.  Resting houses -- such places truly are a wonder – relics from an earlier time when my kind flourished upon the earth and we traveled freely and without fear; a time when humans bowed to us and we often ruled with an iron hand.  Of course those days have long since passed; and it has been more than two or three thousand years since a vampire lord held dominion over humans, like one of those ancient kings that ruled over their peasant vassals.  But my kind are slowly fading away – for humans no longer fear us, indeed they hunt and kill us like game in a forest; and there are not many vampires left who have the power to completely transform a mortal into a child of the night.  How long will it be before the last of us passes away from memory and our once mighty race ceases to exist?

            As I closed my eyes, my thoughts drifted back to my short time in that nameless village just a short time before.  It had taken some time to convince Charlotte to stay within in the carriage; and although the words were not spoken aloud, somehow I knew that she was aware of what I was going to do and her eyes were sad as I kissed her before departing.  As I stepped from the carriage, her soft voice followed me.  "Be careful my love."

            Although her words touched my heart, they were unnecessary; for the sleeping inhabitants of that village never even had a chance to defend themselves against the monster that rose up out of the darkness and drained them in their beds.  Normally, I would have killed my victims as soon as I was done with them; for to leave them otherwise would cause them to become zombies – the walking dead – creatures that have no purpose, no motivation other than to appease the gnawing hunger that burns within them.

            While I despise such abominations; I have on occasion, found them to be quite useful in their own perverse, blood-thirsty way.   Two or three drained mortals left to revive as zombies could, in no short time, decimate the village and fill it with undead horrors like themselves – and that was my plan as I finished off the third of my victims and prepared to return to Charlotte.  A village of starving zombies would be a very unwelcoming surprise for the hunters that followed us, and would hopefully put them off our trail for good; and if not, well the Barbarois were waiting on my arrival.  If the Markus' managed to escape the village, the Barbarois would make sure that they never saw the rise of another sun.

            --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            Damn Alan Elbourne and his hunters!  Why did I not just allow him to be killed and be done with it?  Charlotte would never have known . . . but no, I could not; my guilt would have been too great and I would never be able to look in her eyes, knowing that I was both a liar and an oath breaker.  In the beginning she had trusted me merely on the promise of my word, and I would not break her trust by breaking my pledge for her brother's safety.  But still, how I wish that I had killed him that night the rage had burned through me like the scalding heat of a thousand suns – so much easier things would have been for us.

            Not content to hire the infamous Markus family to track and capture us, Charlotte's brother also brought in another hunter – one far more skilled and cunning than even I could have imagined.  For indeed, I would never have believed that another of my kind – half-breed though he might have been – would willingly turn his back on his heritage and become a killer of his own blood.

            Yes, Alan Elbourne had yet one more card to play; and his trump was D – a dunpeal hunter with a reputation that made the Markus family look like children in a schoolyard.  Yes, a dunpeal – one of those cursed beings who exist in that netherworld between humans and vampires.  D – The rumored half-human child of the vampire king himself; and an opponent who would test me to my utmost limits.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            While I knew that the human hunters would no doubt kill me without blinking an eye, I was not so sure however, about the dunpeal.  After our first encounter, when he had nicked me with his blade; I felt that if anyone would understand what Charlotte and I meant to one another, it would be he.  After all, a human woman had given birth to him – had loved a vampire enough to bear his child.  Or had she?  What if D had been the result of something far more sinister on the part of one of my kind?  No doubt that would explain his choice to take up arms against us – why he wanted to see us extinct from the face of the earth; or perhaps it was something that ran even far deeper than that?  

            I found D to be a very complex figure.  He possessed an air of nobility and confidence that I have rarely seen in one who was not a true-blood.  Although I had made a few verbal barbs towards him as we battled, he remained calm and did not allow himself to be baited into anger and carelessness.  When Charlotte had called out to me while he and I fought on the roof the carriage, I saw the surprise that flickered in his eyes and the hesitation in his strike; and it appeared that perhaps he had believed me when I told him that Charlotte had gone with me by her own free will.  If we could convince him of that, would he let us go – for I would be willing to match whatever price Charlotte's family had agreed to pay him; or would he honor his contract and take her back?

            D was an enigma to me – as a dunpeal he had the choice to live as either a human or as a vampire.  Knowing how the mortal world tended to treat such creatures, I was surprised by his choice.  I will not go so far as to say that my kind would have welcomed him as blood-kin, but I'm sure that it would have been a somewhat warmer reception then he received from humans.  

            As I reflect more on that brief encounter and on D's attempt to bargain with the Barbarois, I must grudgingly admit to gaining some respect for the dunpeal hunter.  He openly dealt with the mutant warriors, even going so far as to pay modest respect to their leader.  Although I have no doubt that he could have pounded down the gate and engaged the lot of them in single combat, instead he chose to parley with them in the hopes of avoiding bloodshed.  A very noble, if not stupid act; for once the Barbarois accept a contract, it cannot be broken; and they will give their lives to hold up their end of an agreement.  But still, it was an admirable ploy in any case.

            Yet despite the dunpeal's futile attempt and the Markus family's sinister surprise attack, Charlotte and I still managed to escape the Barbarois stronghold unscathed and with our three new bodyguards in tow.  Mashira was known to me already – for he had spent time in my service before – and was a brave and skilled warrior.  I had trusted him with my life in the past and I was glad to do so once again.  I knew that I could count on him – no matter what, he would see that Charlotte and I reached our goal safely.  Caroline and Benge were unfamiliar; but if Mashira vouched for them, then I would accept them on his recommendation.

            With such powerful and cunning protectors traveling with us to Chaythe, I felt completely secure and confident for the first time since our journey began.  Soon our deliverance would be at hand; and once we reached that promised paradise, Charlotte and I would finally be free.


	14. Chapter Fourteen: Tragedy and Stars

_-------------------------_

_You were my first love, the earth moving under me_

_Bedroom scent, beauty ardent, distant shiver, heaven sent._

_I'm the snow on your lips, the freezing taste, and (the) silvery sip_

_I'm the breath on your hair, the endless nightmare, devil's lair._

_Only so many times I can say I long for you_

_The lily among the thorns, the prey among the wolves._

_From "Feel for You" by Nightwish_

_Lyrics by Tuomas Holopainen_

_-------------------------_

_Chapter Fourteen_

_Tragedy and Stars_

            One by one, our brave Barbarois protectors have started to fall; first Benge and now Caroline.  I do not know if they are dead, but it has been too long and there cannot be much doubt as to their fates.  Such cursed luck we have had since we left Charlotte's home those nights ago.  I knew that our escape would not be easy, but I never thought that it would be such a hellish nightmare.  We have come so far – Chaythe is no more than a night or two away – and I have tried to think positively and not dwell on our possible failure.  But how can I not, when we have been tormented by endless pursuit and death.  All of my dreams and plans for the future are slowly crumbling away; and although I try to be strong for Charlotte's sake, I find myself losing heart just the same.  But still, I will not give up – not yet.  Charlotte and I will continue on as long as I have some semblance of life left in my body.

            -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            The pain – never have I felt such pain before.  If it were not that I would wake my dear sweet Charlotte, I would scream out loud from the agony of it.  Between the burns, the silver cross bolts and the hunger, I am hovering on the brink of pain-induced insanity.  Even writing these few lines leaves me clenching my teeth and shaking.  But I must overcome it – I must not alarm Charlotte, for she is already frightened and confused as it is.  No, I will quietly endure it and not let her worry over me.

            Mashira has left us – he will be our decoy for the pursuing D.  Hopefully the dunpeal will follow his trail while Charlotte and I reach Chaythe without any further harassment.  I wish my old companion well and I hope that I do not learn of his death – for while I cannot say that we were friends, still he earned my respect and I will be saddened by his passing.

            Ah . . . how it still burns – how the flames still seem to sear my skin, even here in the cool darkness of my carriage.  But as I look at my love's face, I know that it was worth it – it was worth every torturous second just to be here with Charlotte again. What did I ever do to deserve such love and devotion?  Me – a monster of the darkest nightmares; loved by such a gentle giving creature.  Just the remembrance of Charlotte holding my searing body in her loving embrace and of her pledge to follow me even into to death . . . it is still very difficult for me to relive it in my mind, let alone write of it.

            I heard the explosion and felt its vibration from within the confines of my casket.  As the carriage jerked to a sudden stop, I knew that once again we had met with ill luck.  After a few moments, I heard the man as he opened the carriage door; and then Charlotte as she cried out when he forced her outside.  As I hurriedly pushed open the lid of my wooden sanctuary, I cursed aloud as the anger began building within.  We had come so far and our prize was almost in our grasp – I would be damned to an even darker hell if I let those two barbaric humans think that they could take Charlotte away from me.  I would not allow them to take away the one true beautiful thing that I had in my life.  So without hesitation, I opened the carriage door and stepped out into the deadly sunshine.

            The sun – that great life giver in the sky -- that causes crops to grow and tides to turn; but for me and my kind, its warm golden glow is nothing but a death bringer.  It had been so long since I had last felt the touch of the sun on my face – and if it had ever brought me any joy then, it certainly did not anymore; for the only thing it brought me was pain – an almost indescribable searing pain.

            Almost immediately the flames started to dance along my exposed skin and it was all I could do not to fall to my knees and cry out.  But no, I would not give those two despicable hunters the satisfaction of believing that I was weak.  Indeed the sight of a vampire willingly exposing himself to the sunlight was probably enough to make them think any number of interesting thoughts; and I hoped that one of them was that they should be afraid.  

            Through sun-seared eyes, I saw my love as the red-haired man held her.  Charlotte's eyes were wide with fear as she watched me slowly make my way towards her, my hand outstretched.  She struggled in the man's grasp as he and his brother shouted out their filthy jests to one another.  Charlotte cried out as the first bolts struck me; and then again when the fourth one found its mark.  I was still only halfway to where she was being held, when she finally managed to twist out of her captor's embrace.  As she reached me, I felt my strength start to fade while her arms circled me and together we slid down to the ground.

            My pain had become so great that had I been mortal, I would have long since collapsed and died from it.  As it was, I could feel myself growing weaker with every passing second and I knew that if I did not get away from the harsh daylight soon, that it would be too late for me to make any kind of recovery.  But as Charlotte held and supported me, I forgot all about the burning agony that my body had become as I looked into her dark frightened eyes.  Although I was distantly aware of the two men shouting out to one another, I instead closed my mind to them and focused everything on Charlotte as she held me.  If it had been my fate to die at that very moment, in the arms of the woman that I loved, I would have accepted and welcomed it.

            I cried out when Charlotte pulled one of the cross bolts from my chest; and my eyes widened in wonder and fear as she held its gleaming length to the hollow of her throat.  "I can't go on without you."  She softly said, her eyes intent on mine.

            I could see the love and determination in those amber pools and I think that my heart welled even more with love for her.  Truly I did not deserve such love – such devotion as was being offered to me at that moment.  But despite her words, I would never let Charlotte follow me into death.  I would not allow the world to be deprived of her gentleness and beauty.  No, I was too selfish to allow her to sacrifice herself for me.  I didn't know if I had the strength to wrest the bolt from her, but before I had a chance to find out, our luck turned.          

            It was at that moment that brave Mashira saved us with his cleverness and own unique mutant power.  It is because of him that Charlotte and I are still here, continuing on towards the castle.  I only hope that his noble sacrifice is not wasted – for D is unlike anyone he has ever battled before and as much as I know about Mashira, and am confident in his abilities, still I could not honestly say that he would be the winner of their encounter.

            As I look now on my Charlotte's beautiful sleeping countenance, I feel the shame well up inside of me once more.  While the damage that I received from the sunlight would not leave any lasting marks upon my body, still it left a mental scar across my heart.  As Charlotte and Mashira helped me back into the carriage, I was once again overwhelmed by a great weakness and my wounds started to throb.  After I had settled myself back into the protective confines of my traveling casket, Charlotte took my hand and I could see the wetness of the unshed tears that welled in her eyes as she took in my painful burns.

            Trying to sooth her fears, I told her not to worry and that I would heal and recover.  Once again I told her of the City of the Night and how we would be free and safe once we reached it.  With a slightly shaking hand, I reached out and cupped Charlotte's cheek hoping to alleviate some of her worry and fear for me.  As sleep finally overcame her and she rested her head on my arm, I was again tempted by the hunger that is my nature.  Although I was injured and in need of replenishment, I fought against it one more time and clenched my jaw in silent frustration.  No matter how much I need it – how much the hunger tried to drive me – I would never drink from Charlotte; I would starve myself into dust before I would ever sink that low.

            -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            We have finally reached Chaythe.  The castle is unlike anything that I have ever seen; and I can safely say the same of our hostess as well.  I will honestly confess that I did not know that much about Carmilla before accepting her offer and coming here; for I have always chosen to live apart from my brethren.  Indeed I never sought out their company or joined in any of their long stretching games of amusement that helped to ease the loneliness of their immortal lives.  But even with my limited experience, I could see that Carmilla was much more than she seemed.

            She was older than I, but then I was still considered to be quite young by the standards of my kind; and her manor of dress was quite outdated.  The bodice of her gown, what little there was of it, was quite suggestive and utterly provocative -- I could not imagine Charlotte ever wearing such a thing, but on Carmilla it seemed quite perfect and natural.  There was no doubt she had been quite beautiful when she had been a human, and her vampire features only served to heighten that impression.  Her manner to us was very cordial and inviting.  Yet underneath all of her friendliness and hospitality, I felt something dark and menacing radiating from her.  I cannot say what it is, and although I want to trust her, it has left a slight doubt in my mind.  Still when all else had failed, Carmilla had offered her help and friendship; and I will give her the chance to prove herself before I pass judgment on her.

            But enough of Carmilla for the moment, and instead let me write of the ship – for it outshone all the grandeur and wonder of Carmilla's castle home.  As I looked up at its towering length I could hardly believe that such a thing could have been designed and made by once mortal hands.  Its gleaming spires and stained-glass windows left me gaping in awe.  I wondered to myself how such a thing could possibly fly through the night sky – how it would even be able to lift itself from the earth.  As our hostess told us about the gleaming tower, I found that there was much about my dark heritage that I never knew.  To even begin to believe that our once great race had traveled the breath and length of this world and beyond in such machines was almost incomprehensible to me.  Perhaps I had been remiss in not spending more time in the company of my own blood, indeed there was so much that I did not know about what I was and what I could do.  But once my love and I reached the City of the Night, I would see about rectifying that, but for now the only thing I could focus on was our leaving.  Yes, that great ship was indeed a marvel; but more importantly, it was also the means to our liberation – this is how Charlotte and I would finally be together.

            As I looked down at Charlotte, she turned towards me and gave me a smile; and the light of that smile lifted my heart until I thought it would soar even higher than the ship would.  At that moment, I knew that she and I had done the right thing and that all of our hardship and heartbreak had not been in vain.

  
            Charlotte and I have parted briefly so that she could refresh herself and change her clothing, as she has been wearing her nightclothes for the length of our journey.  I could see that my love was still tired from our long travels, but we did not have the time for a lengthy rest so a brief respite would have to suffice for the time being.  For in a few short hours Charlotte and I would leave this hate-filled world behind us and begin a new life together, far away somewhere safe in the confines of the star-filled sky.

            ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  

            It is almost dawn; and soon the sun will crest across the sky, awakening the world to another day of life, love, struggle and death.  As the moon and stars are replaced by the warmth of that life-giving orb, I will look upon its golden beauty one last time – even as I curse it with my last breath.  I will curse it for not being powerful enough to light the darkness that has settled into my torn and bleeding heart.  For everything that meant anything to me – all the love and tenderness that gave life to my cold dead existence -- has been extinguished forever; and now I wait for true and final death to take me.

            I do not know if this journal will survive and ever fall into the hands of someone else – someone who will read it and perhaps learn some lesson from it. But I will write these last few lines in the hopes of cleansing my black soul of all the pain and misery that I have brought to those whose lives I was unlucky enough to touch.  I will also leave them for a man and his son, who grieve for the loss of their family's greatest treasure – unaware that their grief is truer then they know.  For Charlotte, my radiant light in the darkness . . . my one and true love, is gone; and all my will to continue on in this life has died with her.

            Although it was not I who stole her life and almost damned her soul for eternity; still, I am responsible for it.  For it was through my own folly and blindness that I discovered too late what was awaiting us in Chaythe – the home of that scheming and murdering traitor, Carmilla.  It was my arrogance and recklessness that led us to that place of horror and death, and I have no one to blame but myself.  For me, the end cannot come too soon – and perhaps then, I will be able to find some redemption for the death and despair that I have caused.

            If only I had taken the time to learn more about Carmilla – if only I had been more cautious instead of blindly accepting her invitation.  Perhaps if I had been more willing to spend time in the company of my own kind, I would have learned of her – learned what she truly was and what she was capable of doing.  But no – my arrogance had once again been my downfall, as it had been all those centuries ago when a cocksure young man had gone to bed with his windows open. 

            Yet if I had not been so selfish, perhaps my love would still be with me now.  Charlotte had been willing to follow me into death, and as I had held her in my arms and savored her radiant beauty and the feel of her body against mine that one last time; she had made it very clear to me that she had been more than willing to follow me into un-death as well.  But never – never would I condemn her to that dark fate; for Charlotte was too bright, too gentle; I could never take away the very thing that made her so dear to me . . . no, I could not take her humanity from her.

            As I look down at my long pale hands, I can still see the blood – Charlotte's blood – and I once again feel the icy coldness of tears in my eyes.  Although the dunpeal and I had worked together to bring Carmilla down, still D had been the one to give her final death.  How I wish that it could have been I who snuffed out the existence of that vile murdering bitch!  The darkest pit of the most nightmarish of hells would never be enough for her – she deserved the torment of a thousand suns for what she had done . . . and yet, it was I who brought her the means to resurrect herself, it was I who delivered Charlotte into her deadly scheming hands.  All of this has been because of me – me and my selfish arrogance – and now I am more than ready to pay the price for my vanity.

            Still I ask myself why D did not kill me when he had the chance – why he had allowed me to live.  But the more I reflect upon it, I see that by allowing me to live, he has visited an even darker, more painful sentence on me than had he granted me the peace of death.  Such cruelty . . . it must be the vampire side of his heritage showing through; no doubt his father would be quite proud of him.  Yet, by allowing me to escape he must have know what I was going to do – and so I will take this time to thank him, thank him for allowing me to take Charlotte away with me so that we could be together just as I had promised her we would be.

            So thank you D . . . I can only hope that one day you will find that missing part of yourself that will allow you to become whole – so that you will be able to see the beauty in the darkness and know the bright light of peace and love in your own heart.  For every creature -- mortals and those that once were -- should have the opportunity, at least once, to feel the warmth and love of another and have their heart touched by it.           

            But now, as my love and I travel deeper into the twilight sky, I cannot help but wonder how things would have been had I done as Charlotte had asked.  In truth, I do not believe that when it came down to it, that I would have been able to take that final step and share my blood with her.   As much as I loved her and needed her, I was afraid that she would no longer need me once the change had been completed.  Vampires do not usually live together, at least not in the way that I wanted to live with Charlotte; for our temperaments and vanity make it difficult for us to live as equals, even among each other.  I could have saved Charlotte by changing her, but I would have lost her in the end anyway.  I think that would have been even harder for me to bear, to know that my love was out there in the world somewhere without me . . . that I had given her immortality, and I could not share in it.

            Yes, I am as selfish as Charlotte accused me of being; but I cannot help it.  I had waited centuries to find someone like her, to experience what I had with her; is it any wonder that I did not wish to give it up?  But still, it has all come to naught in the end; for Charlotte is gone and I am as alone as I have ever been in my long existence.  I am dead – dead in heart and soul, as well as body.

            Why?  Why was I so cursed?  For truly I have been cursed since the day I was born, all those long centuries ago.  Cursed to die and be reborn as a monster, cursed to wander the world alone and hunted, cursed to find love and then only to lose it through my own arrogance and folly, and cursed to die alone the cold darkness of the endless sky.

            But no, I am not alone – not really; for Charlotte is here with me.  She rests inside of me, in my mind and forever in my heart until death finally claims me – and even beyond that.  Yes, my love and I will be together soon once more – together to roam the stars, our souls free of all the pain and heartache that shackled us in the world below. 

            -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            The sun is slowly approaching -- I can feel it hovering just on the brink of the horizon.  Soon it will be time, time for me to take my beautiful love into my arms once more and hold her in my tight embrace.  Then together, we will watch the sun rise as we had been unable to do before; it's warm golden light filling the stained glass windows of the ship and covering us in a myriad of beautiful shifting colors.  Then one final time, I will press Charlotte's lips in a kiss as the flames begin to dance along my skin . . . and I will hold her tightly until only our mingled ashes remain – joined together for all eternity and truly free for the first time in our lives.

            So do not grieve for us, do not trouble yourself by feeling sad over our leaving.  Yes, our leaving – for I will not look upon this as our final death; instead I will look at it as our traveling to some new distant place that has yet to be discovered.  Yes, Charlotte and I will be explorers; journeying among the endless stars for that one place where our souls will be able to rest together in peace and love – as I promised her one moonlit night while we stood together surrounded by roses.

_-----------------------_

_I sit here by your side_

_And weep you goodbye_

_I'm singing songs of sorrow for you_

_True gentle rose of mine_

_From "Portals of Light" by Falconer_

_Lyrics by Stefan Weinerhall_

_------------------------_


	15. Chapter Fifteen: Notes and Acknowledgem...

_FIFTEEN_

_Acknowledgements and Thoughts_

            I'm feeling kind of down right now, knowing that I just finished the last chapter of "Moth to the Flame."  This was such a sad and inspiring story to write.  I wasn't very sure about how it would all turn out when I started, but I think I can safely say (hopefully without sounding too vain), that it turned out pretty well.  Meier and Charlotte were not the easiest characters to write, as they have so little actual screen time in the film.  But hopefully, I haven't taken too many liberties with their personalities and that perhaps I've made them a little more real in everyone's eyes.

            I'd like to take this time to thank those who have been with the story from beginning to end; you guys don't know how much your kind words and encouragement meant to me and kept me going until the end.  A very big **THANK YOU to:  Lady Night Wind, Scarbie, Xevarel, anna sartin, Tiger of the Endless Night, Chartreuse, roxyravette, Kurakura, Byakko, Talks to the Moon, Lady Rivka Zephilonia and extra special thanks to Akira Silveracious Majere for her comments and for the beautiful wallpaper.  (If you haven't seen it, she left a link for it with one of her reviews.) **

            Now I've had some questions regarding some of the things that I've put into my story and I'd like to address some of them here if you don't mind; so here goes:

            First off is Meier's personality.  After my too-numerous-to-count viewings of VHD:B, I was left with this impression of Meier Link being a very noble, tragic and almost tortured poet type.  He also had this air of being well mannered, courtly and cultured.  Thus, I wanted him to seem like a gentleman; and since I'm an avid Jane Austen fan, I kind of tried to incorporate some of the mannerisms of that time into his behavior.

            Also when I decided to write this in first person, I wanted to make it almost like a journal – a glimpse into Meier's psyche as it were.  I thought that having him write in an old-fashioned, kind of lyric style would suit him.

            Second, was Alan Elbourne discovering Charlotte and Meier's secret affair.  Right away, I always thought that somehow Alan must have known about the two of them, because he kept insisting that Charlotte would not be turned into a vampire.  He was so vehement in his belief that I thought he must have known about his sister's relationship with Meier.  Of course he could never approve and so he hired the Markus' and D to get her back.

            Next was Meier's lack of knowledge about Carmilla.  C'mon with the kind of reputation that she had, why in the world would he have risked taking Charlotte to Chaythe?  Somehow I didn't believe that he really knew what she was or what she was capable of; he just needed help to get away and took the first opportunity available to him.  I also implied that he was not all that old for a vampire; I thought maybe only four or five thousand years, perhaps that is why he didn't know about Carmilla and her bloody past.

            What about Mashira and Meier?  Again, I stretched my imagination and wrote that Meier had known the mutant previously.  I got this impression because of the way that Mashira regarded Meier; calling him "Master" and having more of a loyal servant attitude with the vampire than Caroline or Benge had.  If vampires truly did rely on the Barbarois for protection and assistance, then it seemed possible that the two may have had contact before.

            Then there was Chapter Ten – Meier's story of how he became a vampire.  While it really had nothing to do with the story of how he and Charlotte met and fell in love, still I couldn't help adding it in.  With his constant battle against his nature and his refusal to turn Charlotte into a vampire, I kind of got the impression that he didn't like being one himself – that perhaps he had been turned against his will. So feeling kind of inspired, I wrote a little background piece on him and incorporated it -- hopefully without distracting from the real story.

            So there you have it, my first completed fanfic – and one that I'm very proud of.  Again, thanks to everyone who read (whether you left a review or not) and to ff.net for existing, so that I could post it here.

            While we're on the subject of ff.net, and whether you agree with their recent decision or not, still I think that they may have jumped the gun a bit when deciding to discontinue NC17 stories.  While I have not written anything (and probably won't) that warranted an NC17 rating, still there were many great fics and authors who I admired that did.  It's a shame when people take advantage of something or when a few narrow-minded people ruin things for everyone else.  Hopefully, this entire issue will be worked out somehow to everyone's satisfaction in the near future.

            Well, enough of my rant for now.  Peace to all and keep writing!


End file.
